Where I Stood
by mystripedskirt
Summary: She buttons her white oxford all the way to the top, just to prove to the harsh world that she is still a Waldorf, that she will survive. CaB, DS; re-post
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

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><p>AN: I originally published this in 2008. There were far too many short chapters, so I decided to condense it into a three-parter. I want to say I was one of the first to ship CaB (I admit, I was a big SebLeighton fan) but we can all enjoy their inherent cuteness!

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><p><em>Baby ballerina's<br>Hiding somewhere in the corner  
>Where the shadow wraps around her<br>And our torches cannot find her  
>She will stay there till the morning<br>Crawl behind us as we are yawning  
>And she will leave our game<br>To never be the same_

_-Missy Higgins "Sugarcane"_

* * *

><p>Blair always paints her lips a different shade to commemorate the various moods she possesses. She brushes them in various shades of pink and red to justify how she is feeling, and the boys she passes always stare hungrily at them when she walks the streets of New York.<p>

Today she suffuses her mouth in a deep ruby color by Chanel, and layers the French brand accordingly, spritzing her long neck with a generous dose of No 5. She always plays a starring role in the movie constantly playing in her head, and today she is Nicole Kidman.

Just like the Australian actress, she pulls her curls into a bun at the nape of her neck, pinning behind lose hairs. She buttons her white oxford all the way to the top, just to prove to the harsh world that she is still a Waldorf, that she will survive. Her navy skirt hangs delicately on her hips and she pulls a navy cardigan over her shoulders.

White tights that represent virginity long lost find their way haphazardly onto her slender thighs, and she slips her dainty feet into black ballerina slippers as she listens to the eerie voice of Missy Higgins on her iPod.

* * *

><p>With her social standing having fallen lower than a meaningless Jenny Humphrey's, Blair finds herself gazing wistfully at the MET steps as she watches the Serena-wannabe try to fit in with her old friends. She uses the terms friends loosely, because what kind of friends did this to their queen? Her eyes blink back tears when she remembers dismissing Serena on those very steps, the only person truly speaking to her.<p>

She silently thanks God that Christian Dior makes the best waterproof mascara in the world.

She's not hungry, not that she usually is, so she tosses her yogurt and the apple that matches her lips into the garbage in front of her and begins to explore Manhattan.

* * *

><p>She walks past the girls that point and laugh into the Museum of Metropolitan Art in search of something meaningful. Looking around, she eyes an old couple holding hands, enjoying Hokusai's <em>The Great Wave off Kanagawa<em>.

She gazes tentatively at works by Botticelli and El Greco before a hand grazes her shoulder and she turns to glower at whoever has come to interrupt her lunch break.

"Do you mind?" she barks, before her eyes make out Nate's old friend Carter Baizen.

He lifts his hands in retreat when he says, "Sorry, Blair. Didn't know I was interrupting anything."

She sighs, tired, "You're not. I just—"

He looks at her knowingly before saying, "I'm kind of lacking in the friend department right now, too. Want to get lunch? Or do you have to get back?" He looks at his rose gold Rolex before continuing, "There's fifteen minutes left. Do you want a quick coffee?"

Blair gives in, and they have coffee. He pays, and she is not surprised, because it's not like he has forgotten his manners in the time he spent away from home.

* * *

><p>It is nice to talk to someone other than Serena, though she is thankful to have her best friend, and Blair has to wonder why she never talked to Carter before. He can easily hold up to Chuck's wit, and he has so much more charisma than Nate. She finds herself swimming in his hazel-green eyes which keep changing shades in the January sunlight before he urges her to get back to class before it starts.<p>

She looks at the steps of the MET once more, and Kati and company are lifting themselves up to walk back to Constance. Carter notices she looks reluctant to get up, so he takes her hand and says, "Hey, I'll walk you back."

She quickly utters, "Thank you," all polite manners and smile, before they walk hand in hand (he hasn't let go, Blair wordlessly thanks God again) back to the school.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day flies by, and now the whispers are of her sleeping with the former king of the UES. She tries not to let the slut comments bother her, but when Iz bitchily tells her that, "Yale doesn't offer degrees in slut," while the girls pass her in the hallway, she retorts, "Really original for a girl that dresses like a matching transvestite in a Eurotrash club with her best friend."<p>

Kati and Iz gasp like they're surprised, but everyone knows they are not, for their coordinated actions give too much away.

* * *

><p>By the time February rolls around, Carter has made it a habit to wait outside the steps of Constance when school lets out. Blair smiles happily on Tuesday afternoon when she leaves.<p>

"Why are you smiling?" Carter asks, and Blair replies, "Maybe I'm happy to see you."

Carter laughs, the dimple in his left cheek appearing, and he continues, "Now, I know that's not true, or you would've smiled at me like that every time that I picked you up."

Blair shrugs, saying, "No one called me any rude names today and I aced my French lit test."

"Of course you aced your test. Aren't you fluent?"

"I guess," Blair shrugs again, "but there's always more to learn."

He slides his arm around her petite shoulders as they make their way to her apartment and neither of them notices when Nate is standing behind a brick wall watching them, fists clenched in anger.

* * *

><p>It is six days before Valentine's and they are lying entwined on Blair's bed watching <em>Sabrina<em> when Carter nudges Blair's head off his shoulder.

"Is something wrong?" she asks, puzzled by his behavior.

He sighs, stating, "It's six days before Valentine's."

"Thanks for reminding me," she says sarcastically, playfully hitting him over the head with her periwinkle pillow.

"So you don't want to do anything?" he asks.

This time she sits up, because this time she finds she cannot breathe. "What?" she asks. She never thought she was as oblivious as Serena.

He runs his fingers through his thick brown hair and she finds her eyes drawn to the tuft that is sticking out in the back. She finds him endearing and tells him so.

"I don't want to be endearing, Blair. I want to take to you dinner." He looks up at her and asks, "Is that okay?"

She gulps, saying, "That's okay," before he turns back to the television screen, seemingly upset with her. She raises her hand to his cheek before turning him to face her. She says, "I'd love it," and once again his left dimple greets her.

He places the smallest of kisses on the nape of her neck and finds his eyes drawn to the pale pink of her lips. She sucks a breath in when he gently slides his hand behind her head and pulls her in closer to him. He doesn't ask her permission, yet he doesn't take without asking, because when he drops his tongue into her mouth, she feels like she is coming home.

* * *

><p>They spend the next few minutes <em>just kissing<em>, until Blair hears Dorota clearing her throat loudly in the background.

"Miss Blair," she begins.

Blair sighs before turning, "Yes, Dorota?"

Dorota looks at Carter with disapproval before turning back to Blair and saying, "Your mother home, Miss Blair. She want to have dinner at seven. It six thirty right now."

"Ah," Blair groans, "I guess that's fine. Dorota, will you set up a place setting for Carter and tell my mom that he's here?"

"Yes, Miss Blair."

When the maid exits her bedroom, Carter looks at Blair with sincerity when he asks, "So, dinner with your mother already? You must really like me."

"Oh, shut it you," Blair says, hitting him lightly on the arm.

* * *

><p>Eleanor is the happiest Blair has seen her since the Archibald family came by with the Vanderbilt diamond ring.<p>

"Carter, how have you been?" Eleanor asks, trying to smile through her recent Botox.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Waldorf," Carter replies, kissing the elder Waldorf lightly on the cheek, before settling into his seat at the dining room table next to Blair.

Eleanor turns to her daughter, chastising her, "Blair, you didn't tell me you were hanging out with Carter again."

Blair shrugs, "You're not really home, mother."

"Don't talk back to me, Blair. And don't shrug," Eleanor replied, before facing Carter once again. "Call me Eleanor, dear. How are your parents? And the company?"

"My parents are doing well, thanks Eleanor. The company is doing even better than that. In fact, the stocks just rose by two percent."

"You're just charming," Eleanor smiles, "I can just see how Celia adores you so."

Blair doesn't suppress an eye-roll as Carter meekly smiles at her mother.

* * *

><p>Blair finds herself shaking when she is at Serena's hotel room. She paces in front of the door before Lily lets her in and asks her if she is okay.<p>

"I'm fine, thank you," Blair assures, and Lily lets her into Serena's room.

Serena flies out of the bathroom ten minutes later, asking, "What's wrong, B? Are you okay?"

"I need to ask you something," Blair begins, and she crosses her legs, placing her folded hands atop them.

Serena rolls her eyes, "Did Carter ask you out? Because I don't care."

"Are you sure?" Blair asks, and she winces, because the last person who asked her if she was sure ultimately destroyed her, inside out.

"I'm positive. You can have him," Serena ensures her. "He was actually slightly clingy," she continues, remembering Santorini.

Blair honestly replies, "You were probably just flighty."

"Whatever," Serena shrugged, "you can still have him."

"Thanks. So, do you want to go Valentine's dress shopping?"

Serena squeals, "Yes!"

* * *

><p>Blair blows air gently onto her Chanel Vamp-stained nails, which contrast perfectly with her little black dress. Her hair is done up in an Audrey Hepburn-like style and her feet fit daintily into strappy black Jimmy Choos.<p>

She ignores the urge to place a tiara atop her head, instead making her pout pop in a deep shade of red. She throws on her initial Alex Woo necklace just as the elevator opens with a ding, signaling Carter's arrival.

* * *

><p>He stands in the parlor of her penthouse with a bouquet of white hydrangeas.<p>

"You look beautiful," Carter says, and Blair blushes slightly. _It's just Carter_, she reminds herself, but the devil on her shoulder tells her that _yes, it's only Carter, Carter you had a silly crush on for years_.

She regains her composure with a light, "Thank you," as she descends the stairs, her four-inch heels clicking as she approaches him, step by step.

"I hope you like the flowers," he smiles sheepishly, "as I vaguely remember them being here last time I was here."

* * *

><p>Last time he was here, her boyfriend's best friend had bought her favorite flowers, but she fails to mention this fact as she gives him a small smile and takes his hand as he leads her downstairs into the waiting cab.<p>

* * *

><p>Officially dating Carter Baizen does wonders for Blair's reputation.<p>

She half expected the opposite, given the nature of the UES, but she remembers that there are those still loyal to Carter, the St. Jude's boys always trying to emulate him.

* * *

><p>The last week of February the <em>slut<em> and _whore_ and _skank_ comments subside, and all Kati and company do are glower at her until she breaks into an enormous smile, radiant teeth shining brilliantly in the sunlight.

She starts to regain the pieces of her crown when Elise runs smack into her on her way to AP French. The little blonde stutters at the former queen, not meeting her eyes as she apologizes profusely for running into her. Blair gives the girl her best Regina George smile and makes her way into her classroom.

* * *

><p>Blair is standing in the kitchen of Carter's Upper West Side apartment trying to Google the difference between a skillet and a pot (she honestly doesn't know) when he unlocks the door, walking in.<p>

"What are you doing?" he questions.

Eyes still furrowed at his MacBook Air carelessly thrown on the counter, she doesn't look up when she says, "I'm trying new hobbies."

"Why?"

This time Blair looks up, hands on her hips, "Serena's too busy with Dan to go shopping with me all the time, plus Daddy put a limit on my AmEx."

"So you decided to learn how to cook?" he asks again, still dumbfounded as to why his girlfriend would want to learn to cook.

"I'm trying to be domestic," Blair retorts, "Just go with it."

He walks over to her and puts his arms around her waist, taking her coral-stained lips into his. She sighs into his mouth and he breathes in the scent of Bvlgari's Omnia Crystalline.

"I like you how you are, Blair," he says, "Come on, baby. If you want to be domestic, the takeout menus are in the drawer by the phone. We can eat on the china if you want."

"Really?" she asks, her head still on his shoulder.

"Really," he replies, placing a light kiss on her forehead.

"Thank God," Blair sighs, "I don't think I could've mixed all those ingredients. Looking at raw food makes me sick."

* * *

><p>Blair was whining profusely at Serena's room at the Palace.<p>

"Blair, shut up," Serena said, "You're giving me a headache."

"But I'm so horny!" Blair nearly screamed. Erik looked up from the other room and Serena quickly shut the door.

"My brother can hear you," she muttered.

"So?" Blair continued, "Everyone should know. Ugh, why won't my own boyfriend sleep with me, S?"

"Maybe he likes you and wants to wait for the right time," Serena replied, rolling her eyes.

Blair looked up from her spot on Serena's bed and came to a realization, "You know what? You might be right, wise one."

"Of course I am," Serena smiled, "I'm a van der Woodsen."

* * *

><p>Carter's midterms take up most of his time the first two weeks of March, but he makes it up to Blair with a four day stay at Atlantis in the Bahamas for their spring break. He invites her to welcome Dan and Serena. The latter agrees immediately as the former worries about money.<p>

"Don't worry about it," Carter says, "My dad's got the room paid for and we can take the p-j to Paradise Island."

"I don't know," Dan says, fidgeting with his thumbs.

"Come on," Serena kisses him, "Just come! It'll be so much fun. Blair and I had such a good time there in eighth grade!"

"I guess," Dan concedes, as his girlfriend proceeds to squeal. "Thanks," he adds to Carter, who responds with, "No problem, man," laughing kindly at Serena.

* * *

><p>It is their third day in the Bahamas and already, Blair's limbs are golden brown from the sun and her hair shines in the light of the dining room at Nobu.<p>

Her hair smells like pineapples and the white BCBG dress she wears hangs delicately off her shoulders. When she tosses her head back in laughter, half the room turns to look, and Carter smirks at them all.

She eats exactly five pieces of salmon sashimi before she claims she is full and he has to wonder how she has so much energy after consuming so little food.

When she downs her third mojito in the course of thirty minutes, he stops wondering as he consumes the rest of his spicy yellowtail rolls.

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><p>Blair clings to the bed as Carter pounds into her, every bit of him filling her.<p>

She would be lying if she said she hadn't imagined it, but this was fulfilling more than her wildest dreams. He is gentle with her, caressing her hair every once in a while, and telling her she is beautiful.

His kisses grow more fervent as they get close to finishing, and when they are done, he whispers, "You're — amazing." He is still panting when she looks up at him with wide eyes and he chuckles slightly, asking, "What?"

Blair shakes her head, repeating the mantra _amazing_, _amazing_, _you're amazing_, over and over. She is still shaking her head when she responds, "Nothing."

* * *

><p>She snuggles into the crook of his shoulder and finds she fits perfectly. He puts a muscled arm behind her neck to nestle her closer to him. He rubs small circles in her back and she fumbles for the remote control.<p>

It is nearing five a.m. and _Gone with the Wind_ is playing, so Blair leaves it up, glancing wistfully at Clark Gable as Carter lulls her to sleep.

* * *

><p>Carter stares blankly at the whiteboard during his management class as he pretends to listen to Dr. Epstein drone on and on about the various CEOs of several Fortune 500 companies as he texts Blair over the phone.<p>

"What are you doing, man?" asks Tristan DuGrey, a transfer from Harvard and fellow fraternity brother.

"Texting my girlfriend," Carter replies, not even looking up from his phone.

"You just spent the entire week holed up in a hotel room with the girl. You can't let up for class?"

This time Carter looks up, "Since when do you care about class?"

Tristan laughs, "Since my girlfriend is in town making sure I go."

"Tell Rory I say hi," Carter says, but Tristan interrupts him, "You and Blair should have dinner with us."

"Alright, yeah. That sounds good," is Carter's reply to the blond, before he presses send on his phone.

* * *

><p>Dinner goes fabulously well and Rory has all but adopted Blair to become her little sister.<p>

The boys' frat has a last minute charity event next weekend so Rory plans to take the train once more to the city. The girls have a shopping date planned and the boys roll their eyes.

* * *

><p>She takes her dress up to get approval from Serena when she accidentally runs straight into Chuck Bass. He doesn't say a word as she picks up her fallen gown and starts to head toward the elevator.<p>

"Blair, wait," he starts.

She wants to not turn, but finds herself unwilling to do her own bidding. She can't even stamp her foot with impatience, she is shaking so hard.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

She retorts, "You must be fucking joking, Bass." When he looks at her with no reservations, she spits, "It's not like you care, so why are you asking?"

He shrugs, before taking a huge swig from his glass of scotch. It is so typical of him that she all but rolls her eyes.

She takes this time to turn back around, but he grabs her arm before she can move even a step in her satin kitten heels.

"Wait," he repeats, and she does. She wonders if maybe she is a masochist.

"Yes?" she asks, impatient.

"I — I just—" he stutters, unusual for him, which he apparently notices, because he stops. She looks at him pointedly before heading to the elevator. Her eyes stay glued to his before the doors shut and she notices that he looks at her with sad eyes and a wounded soul.

* * *

><p>Blair is the happiest that Serena has seen her in years, and her best friend points this out.<p>

When Blair smiles, the tips of her cheeks turn pink, and both Nate and Chuck turn to look. "I have every reason to be happy, S," she says. She looks over to where the boys are eating lunch (they are on opposite ends of the same group) and flashes them both a dazzling smile. _You always want what you can't have_, she seemingly taunts.

* * *

><p>This New York April seems to be more humid than Blair predicted, so after school, she decides to go on an impromptu shopping trip. When Carter is waiting for her in front of the steps of the school, she nearly skips up to him, placing a delicate kiss on his lips. Today her mouth is painted the exact shade of a peach, and Carter finds that he tastes remnants of the fruit on her lips.<p>

When he holds the small of his girlfriend's waist, his former protégées watch angrily in the background.

* * *

><p>Serena watches Nate and Chuck watch Carter as the latter walks away hand in hand with her best friend. She almost leaves them be before Nate stomps up to her, asking, "What the fuck is Blair doing with Carter Baizen?"<p>

Serena seethes with indifference when she mutters, "Not that it's any of your business, but she's dating him, and he _cares about her_." She emphasizes the last bit and watches as one of her former best friend winces. She almost feels bad until Nate says, "Carter doesn't care about anyone but himself. I guess she deserves what's coming to her."

She doesn't realize how angry she is until she finds her palm on his cheek. They both gawk at each other until Serena leaves without apologizing.

* * *

><p>Twelve pictures are simultaneously sent to Gossip Girl.<p>

* * *

><p>Blair has not made herself throw up in weeks and no one is more surprised than her as she glances at herself in Carter's bathroom mirror, looking for minor imperfections and finding none.<p>

She has spent the entire afternoon trying on her new summer clothes for a boyfriend that actually pays attention when she prances across his carpet like Natalia Vodianova at Valentino.

As she brushes her teeth to the sound of the Spice Girls blaring in his bedroom, she takes a peek out to the living room and finds him simultaneously watching a Knicks game and studying intermediate accounting. She wrinkles her nose at the thought of him boring himself with a subject so _boring_, for lack of a better word, so she prances out to distract him in La Perla panties and a borrowed Brooks Brothers oxford.

He looks up and smiles, "You look good in my shirt."

She frowns, "You're not going to say I look better out of it?"

He pulls an arm around her waist as he slides a hand up the small of her back, "I think we both know that's true." And then he kisses her and all thoughts of basketball and boring accounting are forgotten, and the shirt falls to the floor.

He rips her silk underwear and smirks, "I guess you won't have any on tomorrow at school."

"Why Baizen, I think you've corrupted me," Blair smiles against him as he places light kisses on her exposed stomach.

They make it to the bedroom two sessions later.

* * *

><p>"I heard you slapped Nate," Blair delicately mentions, over frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity.<p>

Serena blushes, shrugging, "He deserved it."

"What'd he do?" Blair asks, ears perking up.

"He was being an asshole about you," Serena finishes. Blair doesn't push the matter any further.

* * *

><p>Serena seems to be everybody's go-to girl as of late, so when Carter calls her with a problem, she meets him at a hole-in-the-wall place in Little Italy to talk over manicotti and red wine. She daintily sips at her enormous glass (she doesn't plan on finishing it) as he gets straight to the point.<p>

"I think I love her," he says, as he runs his fingers through his thick brown hair.

When he looks up at Serena, his eyes glow a brilliant shade of green in the sunset, and she remembers liking him, long ago.

"It took you this long to figure out?" she questions.

He shrugs, responding, "I want to know how she feels about me."

Serena laughs, "You doubt she loves you back?"

"She's said it to you?" Carter asks, eyebrows raised.

"Not in words, no," Serena replies, munching on garlic bread, "But I know her better than anyone, and she does, Carter. She really does." She adds, "She's not me," in a quieter tone, hopeful that he won't hear.

He does.

* * *

><p>When Mrs. Baizen asks Blair to attend a Democratic event with the family (they are major donors to the campaign), she smiles with folded hands and politely accepts. She squeals later in the confines of her bedroom.<p>

When Dorota asks, "Miss Blair, what wrong?" Blair just beams happily at her, not responding.

* * *

><p>Blair decides to take the scenic route and walk to Carter's apartment one morning in late April. As she passes through the dew in Central Park, a man grabs her shoulder, startling her.<p>

"Oh," she sighs, "Hi, Captain Archibald. How are you?"

He is panting hard as he replies, "I'm fine, Blair. And yourself?"

"I'm good," Blair says truthfully, "Very good."

"That's good to hear," the Captain continues, "Ann and I miss you over at the house. Dinner's just not the same without you there."

"Oh, really?" Blair asks, feigning interest. She looks down at her yellow gold Rolex (a gift from Carter) and gasps with fake shock, "I'm sorry, Captain. I'm actually late to—"

"Don't you worry about me, Blair. I won't hold you up," he says, and smiles as his son's perfect ex-girlfriend walks toward the Upper West Side.

* * *

><p>"Where are we going?" Blair asks.<p>

Carter looks up from behind his pile of books and replies, "Blair, I told you I can't do anything until after the first week of May is over. Finals are killing me."

"I know that," Blair says, "I meant where are _we_ going?"

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair, "Look, did Serena say something?"

This time Blair looks up, "You talked to Serena?"

"Don't give me that look, baby. I was talking to her about you."

Blair crosses her arms and places one tan leg over the other, the gold Tory Burch icon on her lime green ballerina flat glittering in the light. "I don't see why you have to ask other people about our relationship," she insists.

"So you're telling me you don't talk to Serena about us?"

"No, I do," Blair replies, "But she's my best friend. Can't you just talk to Tristan?"

"And have him chastise me about being whipped? No thank you. I think I'll pass."

"Like he isn't," Blair replies, and they both smile.

* * *

><p>There is a long pause before Carter says, "Well, I was going to wait, but—"<p>

This time Blair goes silent, because she realizes something important is coming up. Every time something important comes up, she finds that she can hardly breathe. Maybe it's the movie playing in her head or her own distorted reality, but she feels the world moving in slow motion when he comes toward her and sits down on the couch.

In one fluid motion, Carter turns off the television and turns to face her on the couch. She twists her body to face his and looks directly into his eyes. They are clear and olive and look so honest when he says, "I love you."

It is five long seconds before she can breathe. It is two more before she can reply with a gentle smile, "I love you, too."

When they kiss on the couch, Blair finds her hands entwined in his hair and he finds his beneath her ruffled blouse.

"Baby, I have to study," he says several minutes later, when they finally come up for air.

"But don't you love me?" she asks, all cheerfulness and sincerity.

"Very funny," he replies, tickling her until she falls off of him. He turns the television back on and she giggles with surprise, "Thank God. I was waiting for a marathon. Soapnet was dying without its daily dose of Summer Roberts."

* * *

><p>During the summer, Blair leaves the confines of New York for a warm summer in southern France. True to the photos, Roman has decorated her room just like Holly Golightly's in <em>Breakfast at Tiffany's<em>, and there is a large cat sitting on her bed when she arrives fresh off the plane with twelve bags of Louis Vuitton luggage.

"Hi, Cat," she purrs, as she strokes the feline's head. The animal curls into her fingertips as she runs her hands through its soft hairs.

"Blair Bear, dinner's almost ready. Do you want to come out?" her father asks, impeccable in his Hermes blazer and open shirt.

"Sure, Daddy," she replies, "I just want to put some of my things into the closet."

"But why?" her father asks, "I filled it with some spring runway pieces last week."

Blair squeals as she turns to hug her perfect father, slipping off her magenta Kate Spade thong sandals.

* * *

><p>It is only a week after she has been on the vineyard that Blair begins to miss Carter like crazy. She drags him away from his summer study abroad to meet her in Paris. He takes the underground tunnel from London and they begin a weekend in the most romantic city in the world.<p>

She wears a fitted dress that flares out in retro flair at the bottom with red slingbacks and a pillbox hat as she waits for him at the station. She feels very Carrie Bradshaw as she crosses her legs and finds the petticoat underneath her skirt peep out just slightly.

* * *

><p>Carter steps off the train in worn cargos and one of many light blue polos she has bought him and she tells him he's never looked better.<p>

"So I looked bad before?" he asks, with a fake sad face.

"Never," Blair says, tucking her hands behind his head and pulling him in for a kiss.

When they pull away to breathe, Carter whispers, "I missed you, chérie," and the inner-Audrey in her dies.

An old couple that walks by them smiles, and the woman looks on knowingly as she tells the young couple, "Entre deux couers qui s'aiment, nul besoin de paroles."

* * *

><p>On their last day together for the weekend, Blair and Carter finally make it out of their suite at the Four Seasons Hotel George V Paris to do a little sightseeing. It is neither of their first times in Paris so sightseeing isn't a big deal, but Carter insists on taking her out to at least one nice Parisian dinner.<p>

They make like honeymooners when his dad pulls some strings to reserve a last minute table at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

* * *

><p>They spend an evening under the stars with their medium rare steaks and potatoes au gratin.<p>

Blair's cheeks flame slightly when Carter pays a violinist to come serenade his girl.

When the shy violinist leaves their table for the next, Blair whispers, "You didn't have to do that."

Carter shakes his head, "I wanted to." As he tucks a stray curl behind Blair's ear, he says sincerely, "I want everyone to know how much I love you. You know I love you, right?"

When he flashes her the smile that broke a million hearts, Blair all but stops breathing. She finds she does that a lot around him.

She nods her response as he pours more champagne into her glass.

When she looks into his eyes, they are flecked with gold as he says, "Je t'aime de tout mon coeur."

* * *

><p>Blair spends the next couple of days glancing wistfully outside her window as she nibbles on provolone. She takes tiny sips of vintage white wine until she finds her appetite suppressed. Sighing, she tries to find meaning in her life because something feels lacking.<p>

She has her best friend back, her father spends time with her, her mother is unusually attentive, and she has her very own Prince Charming. Her fairytale has all but come true, but all Blair can do is _think_, and she blames her introspective wisdom on the wine. She knows this isn't true, so she leaves the confines of her room to watch Roman cook in the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Blair doesn't see Carter until the end of June, and this time it is she that goes to see him. London is one of her favorite cities, and she swears she eyes Kate Moss as she passes a pub in her cab. Five seconds later she blinks with wide eyes as she recognizes Agyness Deyn, Serena's absolute favorite model. She texts her missed best friend.<p>

It is nighttime in the city and Big Ben glitters in the background as Blair pulls out a few pounds for the driver before hopping out of the cab. As she approaches the steps of the London School of Economics, her boyfriend comes to greet her, his smile lighting up her night.

They embrace sweetly and slowly and in the background his friends snicker. He chooses to ignore this as he leads her to them, "Guys, this is Blair."

They all make appropriate introductions before they go out for the night.

* * *

><p>"Blair, where do you keep disappearing to?" her father asks one night in July.<p>

She, her father, and Roman are dinnering in Paris, and Blair stops chewing her escargot to look at her father oddly.

"What do you mean, Daddy?"

"You go out every weekend," Roman says with a smile, "We were just wondering where you go."

Blair rolls her eyes at Roman's ridiculous French accent and stabs a lone scallop on her gold-trimmed plate, "I go to see my boyfriend."

"You are dating someone?" Roman questions.

"You look a little shocked," Blair replies, a hint of a smile playing on her scarlet-stained lips.

Her father looks worried, "You're not back with that Nate, are you? Your mother told me all about your — scandal."

Blair rolls her eyes again, "Stop being dramatic, Daddy. It wasn't that bad." In actuality, it was more than _that bad_, but she can't see her father disappointed in her so she speaks up again, "I'm actually seeing Carter Baizen."

Her father's eyes light up faster than her mother's and he is all-ears for the rest of the night, begging her to invite him to dinner this month. Roman seems excited to meet him as well, and Blair smiles at her dysfunctional family.

* * *

><p>Her long summer ends with the arrival of senior year and Blair begins stressing about her early admission application to Yale. She finds Carter to be more than supportive, because every time she whines to Serena, her best friend blatantly rolls her big blue eyes.<p>

* * *

><p>Senior year is interesting, but the front page news that Gossip Girl reports on is shockingly about Little J. Blair laughs when she sees her old protégée sporting her hair color, or something shockingly close to it.<p>

"Is that Loreal 14B? Where'd you pick that up, CVS?" she bitchily asks.

Jenny, who now wants to be called Jennifer, tries to muster up a smirk, "Just because Gossip Girl is concerned about my hair doesn't mean she's forgotten that you're a _slut_," she spits out.

"Really?" Blair asks, feigning interest in the conversation. She adds, "PS, Nate's not really into _poor_. Good luck impressing the Captain. God knows he loves me more than, well, anyone."

* * *

><p>Blair isn't stupid. She knows this newly crowned sophomore has been trying desperately to sleep with her ex-boyfriend. She also knows that said ex-boyfriend hasn't even touched her. She no longer wants Nate, but it doesn't mean she's willing to share him with the world.<p>

Blair finds she no longer gets cheap thrills out of making people _feel like shit_, and goes to the doctor to see what's wrong with her. When all the doctor can tell her is to be nicer to people, she almost doubles over in shock.

She makes like Lyla Garrity and finds God, but she's not so vocal about it, so nobody knows that she disappears for an hour and a half each Sunday morning before brunch. She remembers the old Catholic priest that helped her with her Chuck dilemma and vaguely recalls the Baizens being the only Roman Catholics in a sea of Protestant socialite families, so she begins to regularly attend the Sunday 9:00 A.M. mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral on Madison and East 51st Street. It's a rather convenient location from her apartment and she Googles the exterior to make sure it is aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

* * *

><p>One October afternoon, Carter stands in his usual position outside of Constance waiting for Blair. When it is five minutes after homeroom is over, he steadily glances at his watch, hoping for her to come out.<p>

When Nate walks out the St. Jude's door with glazed eyes and unkempt hair, the blond makes his way over to Carter.

Nate says, "I'm onto you, you know."

"Really?" Carter asks, not the least bit surprised, "And what exactly are you onto?"

"You're just using her," Nate spits.

Carter laughs, "See, that's where you're wrong, _Nathaniel_," and the way he says it like Chuck says it makes Nate cringe. He adds, "I love her," for good measure.

This time it is Nate that laughs, until he looks into hazel eyes that seem more than sincere. Carter's eyes have never betrayed him before and they do not betray him now as he looks at his former friend directly in the eyes.

Nate makes an excuse to leave and nearly runs into a light pole in the process.

* * *

><p>When Halloween rolls around, Serena gets custom-fitted for a purple dress and a bright red wig. As she picks up a blond wig for Dan, Blair laughs, "Of course you two would be Fred and Daphne."<p>

Serena stops to ask, "Why not?"

Blair shakes her head, still laughing, when Serena sighs, tossing her head to the side.

"I've loved Freddie Prinze, Jr. since _She's All That_," Serena confirms, and Blair whispers, "I know," in response, as if it's a major secret.

* * *

><p>Apparently you cannot rent children the way you rent the ballroom at the Plaza, as Blair learns the hard way, so she has Dorota pick up two baby dolls for her, one black and one white. Her maid doesn't even question as she leaves the dolls on Blair's bed and Blair swims in glee as she adorns herself in fake tattoos.<p>

Carter shows up at her door in an Yves Saint Laurent tux and asks what they are going as before Blair slips on a floor-length black velvet gown, proudly stating, "Brangelina."

He says, "You cannot be serious," as he watches her apply a massive load of Lip Venom onto her red-stained mouth.

"Oh, really?" she questions, as she puckers up her lips in the mirror, before she hands him the white doll, "Here, you can have Shiloh. I don't think Angie likes her anyway."

"What's that one?" Carter asks, pointing to the other doll.

"Don't you watch _E! News_?" she pauses, saying, "Never mind, her name's Zahara."

* * *

><p>Eleanor gazes wistfully at her daughter when she sees her smile to herself as she tucks a curl behind her ear. She is remembered of a time when Harold used to tuck her hair behind her ear and reminisces fondly.<p>

She phones her ex-husband, who is delighted to hear from the mother of his child. They talk about the obligatory wine and clothes, but it's mostly about Blair.

"I think our baby is in love," Eleanor says in a light voice, but Harold can hear her thousands of miles away. He remembers seeing the two over the summer and voices his approval.

Harold mutters, "In any case, he's better than that _Nathaniel_." When he spits out his name, it sounds dirty, as if Nate were equal in manor to the dirtiest of beings.

* * *

><p>When November comes, the weather is stormy and gray, and Blair stomps into Carter's apartment soaking wet.<p>

He laughs at her, wondering, "Baby, where's your umbrella?"

She shrugs, answering, "I don't know. I think Serena stole it. Bitch."

He sees she is shivering so he comes to close the door behind her, pinning her arms around his neck.

"You'll get wet," Blair exclaims, until Carter silences her with his lips.

He asks, "Are you wet?"

Blair giggles like a freshman in high school and whispers, "Not wet enough," in response.

Carter traces the coral lip gloss on his girlfriend's lips with his tongue and says, "I think I can get you there."

Blair raises an eyebrow and asks, "You think that highly of yourself, huh?"

As he places soft kisses on her neck, she gently nibbles on his ear as they find their way into the bathroom. He throws her on his sink as they resume kissing, her sweater and skirt already thrown onto the floor. He hastily tosses his shirt over his neck and unbuttons his pants, not even fully removing them. When he rips the lace tights off her, he pushes her panties aside when he enters her, sinking himself in fully.

When Blair comes, rather loudly, Carter isn't done yet and finishes removing all of her clothing. When they enter the shower's scalding hot water, Blair gets backed up against the wall as Carter roughly enters her again. The pressure of the water builds up and Blair finds herself screaming her boyfriend's name once again.

"Blair," he pants into her ear, and she rubs herself against him.

Later, when they are entwined in bed and Blair is absentmindedly flipping through channels, she looks up at Carter and asks, "What was that about?"

Carter looks down at his petite girlfriend and pauses the fingers which have been combing through her hair and replies, "What was what about?"

When Blair sighs, she imagines she sounds a little like a damsel in distress, a little more Scarlett (O'Hara, not Johansson) than Britney, and she settles into his arms.

"You were a little intense earlier."

He chuckles against her hair and rubs his hands up and down her stomach when he says, "I thought you enjoyed it," seemingly proud of his work and never one to apologize.

"I did," Blair exclaims, "It's just, you were a little more rough than usual. Care to elaborate?"

Carter shrugs, all nonchalance and no worries, a little too much like Nate, "Not really."

"Fine, you know I'll just ask Tristan," Blair taunts.

"Like he would tell you anything, Blair."

"He won't," Blair starts, "But Rory will."

Her self-satisfied smirk leaves her lips when he takes them with his own and they continue to kiss for hours on end.

* * *

><p>Blair surprises Carter by saying a perfect "Our Father" as the Baizens join hands to pray before Thanksgiving. He looks at her quizzically, but she does not respond as his mother makes comments about how beautiful and smart she is.<p>

Blair takes it all in beautifully, gloating under the attention of doting parents. She beams at Victoria Baizen as the latter's son holds her hand.

* * *

><p>Thanksgiving dinner is spent at the Waldorf apartment and the feast prepared is much livelier than the year before. Harold shows up with Roman and they bestow upon Blair a silver and blue topaz David Yurman bracelet, petite for her small wrists. She jumps up and down with delight as she slips the bangle on her right arm and runs to the kitchen to help her father bake pumpkin pie.<p>

Serena joins them later for spiked cranberry juice on the balcony, and they drunkenly smoke imported cigarettes that Serena steals from Bart Bass as they tell stories of yesteryear.

* * *

><p>Blair spends her first weekend of December visiting Rory at Yale, partly to get her gazillionth tour in, and partly to see her boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend. When she thinks about the jumbled words, she grimaces at herself, but pauses when the Whiffenpoofs stop to serenade her. She giggles as they finish their acapella melody, and then walks her way through the New Haven streets.<p>

Rory's roommate Paris Gellar lets her in the door, and Blair has to stop and pause to look at her surroundings.

Rory comes out and gives Blair a huge hug, beginning, "Look, I know it's not much, but—"

Blair wrinkles her nose before she interrupts the girl she considers to practically be her older sister, "It's disgusting."

Rory rolls her eyes when she exclaims, "Welcome to student housing, Ms. Waldorf," in a terrible British accent and curtsy to boot.

This time Blair looks over at Paris when she asks, "Aren't you both from Hartford?" When they simultaneously nod, she questions again, "You both look like society girls. Surely you can afford something better?" The statement that came out as a question lingers on her lips as she waits for one of them to respond.

Paris shrugs and replies in a curt voice, "Yale's expensive enough. I guess I didn't want to put anymore burden on my parents after their divorce."

When Blair leaves Connecticut to hop on her train to the city, she sighs wistfully at the scenic trees that line the streets and dreams of the buildings back home.

* * *

><p>Spring semester senior year feels eerily like spring semester junior year and the thought of the latter makes Blair make a dash for the nearest bathroom at Constance. A small blonde freshman stands at the mirror wide-eyed when she walks in, but hastily leaves when Blair glares daggers at her.<p>

She does what she hasn't done in months and spills her just-eaten yogurt all over the pristine porcelain bowl. With practiced ease, it falls in perfectly, and she flushes easily with her left hand. She leaves the stall to wash her hands when she looks at herself.

Who is she?

This is the question she keeps repeating to herself. She didn't care as much last year, when she had no one. No Nate and no Chuck, and just sometimes Serena. Now she has Carter to impress, and her embarrassing takedown of Rachel Carr is just one more notch on her belt of bitchiness. She almost feels good about herself until she realizes her plight.

* * *

><p>Her dreams died the second that Nelly Yuki got the early admit text from Yale. Like a phoenix, she will die. When she awakens, she will be something even more magnificent. Or so she tells herself.<p>

* * *

><p>Blair puts on a pure white Marc Jacobs sheath that hangs against her body, a pair of patent black Christian Louboutin pumps, and heads out the door. For the first time in forever (or so it seems) she heads to the van der WoodsenBass suite. She nods once to the doorman, who steps aside to let her in. The ride up the elevator is slightly more nerve wracking, an indicator of what's to come.

Lily greets her with a smile, "Blair, I've missed you."

When Blair politely hugs back, Lily's eyes falter. "Charles isn't here, darling, but Serena's in her room." Blair utters a quick, "Thank you," before she ascends the stairway.

Serena looks like a Renaissance portrait draped across her bed in silk linens when Blair walks in without knocking. Her blonde curls bounce when she looks up and asks, "What's wrong, B?"

Blair shuts the door behind her and sits down next to her best friend. She starts crying immediately.

"B, what is it? Is it Carter? I'll hunt him down. I swear. I warned him—" but Serena can't continue because Blair has silenced her with a perfectly manicured hand.

"No, I, hold please," Blair starts. She tries to compose herself when she continues, "I — I ruined everything when I tried to take down Carr. Yale's gone, my dad's gone, and if Yale's gone then law school's gone. Everything's gone, S. I didn't apply anywhere else."

She continues sobbing into her best friend's arms. Serena begins rubbing Blair's arms, silently telling her it's all going to be okay.

"Shh," she whispers. "You can do those late applications. With your GPA, SAT scores, and extracurricular activities, anybody would be happy to have you. Maybe you could even apply to Brown!"

With this Blair looks up, "S, I'm not getting dreadlocks."

The girls both giggle despite themselves and Serena continues, "Even if the late applications don't work out, you can always start in the spring. With all the AP credit you have, I'm sure you'd still finish early even if you decided to double major."

Blair rolls her eyes, "Of course I'm going to double major. Who do you think I am? Penelope?"

This time they laugh even harder.

* * *

><p>Blair leaves the Palace happier than she was before, but her face freezes when she witnesses the Bass limo pull forward. She would recognize it anywhere.<p>

When Chuck and Nate step out of the limo and witness her standing, she decides to bolt. Blair decides to flag down the first cab she sees. The boys call her name as she hastily runs into the taxi. She allows herself one last look at them, the boys she used to love.

Blair feels forlorn before the impatient driver asks her where she's going. She means to give her own address, but instead gives Carter's. It's become second nature to her, after all.

* * *

><p>Carter senses something is up immediately, but doesn't press the issue. He merely pulls her closer to him and kisses the top of her forehead. She is silent as he grabs the bottle of wine on top of his refrigerator. He fills two glasses and brings the uncorked bottle out to his living room.<p>

"Thank you," Blair whispers, gazing up at her wonderful boyfriend. She wonders to herself, 'third time's the charm, right?' when he slowly starts to massage the knots in her back.

She continues, "That feels good," when he leans in to kiss her neck.

"I didn't get into Yale."

Carter stops massaging her and turns her around to face him. His brow is furrowed like it always is when something is bothering him. "But I thought that was all settled, baby. Didn't the dean give you a go?"

Blair nods, ashamed. "That was before I singlehandedly accused Dan and Ms. Carr of sleeping together, which they are. But they weren't at the time. And I had my dad back me up in front of the parents' board without proof." She pauses, "I'm not sure why I'm not speaking in full sentences."

Carter doesn't say anything and his brows are still arched when he pulls Blair's head into his lap and starts massaging her scalp. "If it's any consolation, I'm sorry, baby."

Blair grabs the remote and orders Audrey on demand as she replies, "Thank you, but it's not your fault. I did this. I should be more mature than this. I thought I was done scheming. I should've been done scheming. I'm eighteen, for Christ's sake! I should be more of an adult than this. I don't mean to ramble."

"It's okay," her boyfriend whispers in her ear, "Maybe you can go to Columbia with me."

* * *

><p>When everybody else spends their spring break sunning in St. Barts, Blair uses the first weekend to get some applications out of the way. She reminds herself that she is a Waldorf and this will not put her off. Her dreams have been crushed before; Yale is only added to her list of 1) daddy leaving, and 2) Prince Charming (Nate) not being so charming.<p>

Carter rushes to his apartment to find her waiting one day, Columbia application in hand. "I threw in an NYU one for good measure," he tells her. She wrinkles her nose at him.

"If you say beggars can't be choosers, I'll slap you," Blair warns.

Carter laughs, "Like it'd hurt. You hit like a—"

"Like a what?" Blair is smiling.

Carter starts laughing again, "Never mind, baby."

* * *

><p>A knock at the door startles them both.<p>

"I wonder who that is," Blair says, before getting up to answer the door. "I thought everyone jetted off this morning."

* * *

><p>It turns out to be Serena, all sunshine and bright smiles as she waves a Brown application in Blair's face. The girls giggle as Blair invites her best friend in to her boyfriend's apartment. It's not as weird as an outsider would think, and the three order Thai as Blair begins filling out the many forms.<p>

Midway through a bite of chu chee eggplant (Blair's personal favorite), she exclaims she finished four applications.

Carter asks, "Which one's the fourth?"

To which Blair responds, "Princeton."

Serena questions, "Oh, so you can go to a trade school now, can you?"

Blair is still wrinkling her nose when Serena holds her hands up in defense.

"I kid, I kid!"

Blair huffs, "You're not very funny, S. Tell her she's not funny." She looks at her boyfriend pointedly.

He tries to appear serious when he turns to her best friend and mutters, "You're not very funny, S."

Now Blair turns and huffs at him. "What's with the Jersey Girl accent? That's not funny." She's so serious that the other two become nearly frightened.

* * *

><p>She is still a Waldorf to the rest of the world and it is no surprise that NYU and Brown hastily accept her, despite her detention. They don't seem to mind a young girl's high-strung aggression. Why should Yale? But Blair is tired of living her life full of what-ifs.<p>

Eighteen months ago, if you had asked Blair Waldorf what she wanted in five years, she would've told you a Yale diploma, the Vanderbilt diamond, and a townhouse on Park Avenue. Now her wants have changed, some because she wanted them (Carter) and some because she couldn't have what she desired (Yale), but she finally starts to feel the regret beginning to fade.

It's a nice feeling, and she takes it to heart.

* * *

><p>Columbia is not so easy on her. In their rejection letter, they state that she can reapply for the spring semester, should she wish to. They will almost guarantee her acceptance, but she doesn't want to wait to go to school. She feels useless when she isn't doing anything, so she waits to hear from Princeton.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

><p><em>Through the haze of the whiskey lights<em>  
><em>And the haze of the angels dressed in cocaine white<em>  
><em>I'm not trying to make you change<em>  
><em>But love, I know what I like<em>

_-Tyler Hilton "Kicking My Heels"_

* * *

><p>Princeton accepts her on a contingency basis. Should her behavior fail her with her professors, they will expel her. Old Blair would have scoffed at the old men from Jersey, but New Blair appreciates their blatant honesty. It is with this information that she accepts a spot in Princeton's freshmen class of 2013.<p>

Harold is still upset with her, but she still receives a letter in the mail congratulating her. Roman scribbles a few sonnets in French which she laughs at, but the aged stationery lacks her father's loopy scrawl.

* * *

><p>Blair decides to put on a nondescript bootcut jeans paired with an airy chiffon blouse before stepping into gold gladiator sandals. It's a sunny yet breezy day in April, and today her life will change. She can feel it.<p>

Carter doesn't ask her why she won't bring him to visit New Jersey with her, and she can't help but smile at that fact. He's attentive when she needs him to be, but he also lets her have her space. That was the problem with Nate and Chuck. Nate didn't realize he wasn't attending to her. Chuck didn't give her room to breathe. She remembers it was nice to be wanted, then remembers he shattered her heart like it was made of glass, and maybe it still is.

* * *

><p>When Blair takes the elevator down and steps outside, Serena is waiting inside a town car. She looks like the poster girl for casual chic in her dark, but not black skinny jeans, metallic Dolce Vita sandals, and one of Erik's button downs. Blair remembers the Thanksgiving Serena donned her father's clothes and smiles. They are both different people now, much better people, she hopes to herself. She hopes to put the YaleCarr mess behind her immediately.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for coming with me, S," she says, as she steps into the black car. "I don't know if I could take Jersey by myself, even though I'll have to. Ewww."<p>

Serena laughs, "Have you been watching _The O.C._ reruns without me? You know that's mean. I love Seth."

* * *

><p>The first sight on their tour is the expansive Nassau Hall. Their tour guide is a meek, lanky boy who says his name is Jordan, and that he is a junior. His mousy brown eyes dart back and forth between Blair and Serena and Blair all but rolls her eyes when he continues staring at her. She is beginning to find him quite creepy when he finally starts talking about the college.<p>

"This is Nassau Hall. It's the oldest building at the university and I thought I'd start the tour here." He glances at the girls to see if they are listening, but only Serena appears attentive.

He continues, "These are the tiger sculptures," as he points to the steps. "You know, our mascot."

This time Blair does roll her eyes, "Yes, genius. We know the mascot. Can we continue?"

Serena nudges Blair not-so-gently and Jordan gulps as he leads the girls onward.

* * *

><p>They're walking on the various pathways surrounding the green grass when Jordan mentions Princeton is one hour away from both New York City and Philadelphia, so it's quite easy to find work in either city when your undergrad is finished.<p>

Blair's wrinkling her nose when Serena responds, "I don't think Philadelphia's an open option," to which Jordan doesn't reply, because every time he does, Blair looks at him like she's going to kill him. He thinks to himself that maybe he should've never left the friendlier West Coast. He knows better than to say this aloud.

They scurry on as Serena points animatedly at an arch above them.

"B, look, it's the Blair Arch!"

She seems to be more excited than her counterpart, as usual.

Blair replies with, "Fascinating," before exaggerating a long yawn.

Serena pretends to be angry with her best friend for a second before admonishing, "I thought you were trying to change?"

Blair retorts, "Is that a question?"

"B." This time Serena has her hand on her hip and twenty passersby pause and stare at the prettiest girl to ever come to their state.

Blair sighs. She takes a deep breath and stares into the arch above her, taking it in.

She mentions, "Fine, I suppose I've always loved a good Neo-gothic building. There." She looks at Serena. "Are you happy?"

Serena smiles, "Very."

* * *

><p>Jordan finally speaks again when they reach a pretty lake at the far end of campus.<p>

He points at the water, saying, "At the base of the Delaware and Raritan Canal, which date from 1830, is Lake Carnegie, a man-made lake donated by steel magnate Andrew Carnegie. The crew and sailing teams use the lake to practice and compete."

This time Blair gives a genuine smile and Jordan is in awe.

Serena laughs at his face, telling him, "I think this might be her favorite part of the tour."

"Why?" Jordan asks. "It's just a lake."

"Not just any lake," Serena adds, looking over at Blair, who is still smiling. "Her boyfriend's great-great-times-whatever donated that."

"You're dating a Carnegie heir?" Jordan sounds impressed.

Blair responds, "You sound surprised."

"No," Jordan tells her, "But aren't there only a few of them left? There's got to be only one your age, and he wouldn't carry Victoria's name. We studied them in economics."

Blair just continues smiling.

* * *

><p>When Blair arrives at Carter's apartment later that evening (there was no way she was spending a night in New Jersey if she didn't have to yet), she tells him she has something for him.<p>

With an arched brow, Carter exclaims he has something for her as well. He tells her to go first.

She smiles as she hands him a large gift bag. When he peers his head inside, he pulls out a black and orange Princeton hoodie. When he laughs and thanks her with a kiss, she asks for her present in return.

"I warn you, it's nothing spectacular," he mentions.

When Blair opens the bag, she finds a matching sweatshirt, several sizes smaller. Beneath it, she digs out a similar hoodie in baby blue and white, with the 'Columbia' insignia.

"Thank you," she says, leaning in closer to him. She kisses him with pouted lips as she adds, "I love them." She then mentions, "You do know I'm still going to wear yours though, right? They're more comfortable."

Carter laughs, "You're the cutest little thing when you wear them, too. I like the fact that you don't need pants."

"Oh, you do, do you?"

They play wrestle before they leave their outerwear discarded beside them as they make their way to Carter's bed.

* * *

><p>Nelly Yuki may have schemed against her to win Yale, but Blair still owns Constance. She speaks with pride at graduation as Nelly sulks in a chair next to the podium. Inwardly Blair grins at the salutatorian, and thanks God that she has what she has today.<p>

It's taken her a long time to forgive, but she won't forget. She remembers the masses she attended months ago and began resuming them toward the end of April. It is nice to be lost in a sea of people who are praising someone greater than themselves so they can be something greater than themselves.

* * *

><p>She remembers trying to play God all those years at Constance, and the constant bickering of it all. Was it worth it? Should she have let Serena have it? Jenny? Penelope? Hazel? Well, maybe not Hazel. God couldn't have a pug nose, she tells herself.<p>

Blair lets her mind drift back to her speech. She eyes the audience and finds her mother's hands entwined with Cyrus's. Next to them are her father and Roman. The person she locks eyes with is her current boyfriend's, and she thinks to herself that maybe this one could be the love of her life. Just gazing into his hazel-green eyes (not that she can see them from the podium, but she knows what they look like in the sunlight by now) makes her smile and she surprises herself by getting teary-eyed at the podium.

* * *

><p>Obligatory thanks are given to Headmistress Queller, her parents, Cyrus for inspiring her to be great based on her merit and not her looks (even though she knows she has both), and countless others.<p>

When she shifts her gaze from Carter to Serena, she finds her best friend's eyes full of tears. Even though most people looked despondent as they cried, of course Serena would find a way to emulate the latest Givenchy perfume ad.

* * *

><p>Blair is wary when she lets Carter plan a summer in Asia for them, but doesn't let him know. She's never vacationed on this continent before, and what should excite her seems to scare her more than anything else. But, she trusts her boyfriend and leaves him to his planning, but asks him to exclude Bangkok from their itinerary. He doesn't question her about it, though she knows he's either read about Chuck's escapades on Gossip Girl (though he won't admit he still reads it) or heard about it from friends.<p>

She reminds him to include Tokyo, to which he rolls his eyes.

"Could you be any more American, Blair?"

"Please," Blair responds, hand on her slender hip. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

Carter points out, "As a tourist, it actually is in most of these places. I would know."

Blair stands on her tippy toes as she kisses her boyfriend delightedly on the lips.

"That you do, baby," before nuzzling his nose.

They are the perfect picture of a young couple in love and several young girls stop to snap their photo. Gossip Girl is alerted in less than thirty seconds.

* * *

><p>Blair's all packed and ready to go, but she and Carter aren't leaving until Monday and it's late Thursday night, so she makes her way to Serena's. It's been easier to go back ever since the first time and she glides her way up the stairs.<p>

"Your room looks like one of those rape victims' rooms from _Law and Order: SVU_," Blair mutters, picking up frayed 7 for All Mankind denim shorts and folding them.

She places them ne

* * *

><p>atly in Serena's open suitcase and heads over to her sundresses, working on those as well.<p>

"Thanks, B," Serena mentions, and her tone suggests sarcasm.

* * *

><p>They've now graduated and it's scary, but neither of them want to talk about the far future, so they settle for the here and now. It is Blair that is taking on the adventurous, exploring a continent she's never yet stepped foot on. Serena wistfully thinks to herself that her boring summer in the Hamptons won't even begin to compare, but she gave up the world a long time ago when she started coming into herself. It's a change she likes so she doesn't want to give it up.<p>

* * *

><p>Blair's with Carter at JFK when she finally starts getting nervous about their trip. He notices this and steps behind his girlfriend, massaging her shoulders as she closes her eyes, until her head is clear again.<p>

Her Louis Vuitton Damier luggage looks out of place with his monotone Tumi overnight bag, but she honestly doesn't own anything plainer. He'd looked at her skeptically when he'd seen her bright red Epi bags that she'd first wanted to bring.

They're here because she wants to be, because she loves him and wants him to show her the world he lived in before he came back and met her. It'll be an exciting foray into the unknown and Blair knows she will have the time of her life.

Her life is starting to settle back down — Carter, Princeton, her attitude most of all — so she thinks this trip will cement the sudden changes in her life. These changes have set off a chain of events that both scare and thrill her and she doesn't want them to stop.

* * *

><p>She's drifting off into her own thoughts when she realizes Carter's already checked their luggage and they're making their way — with grasped hands — to their terminal. She sees the familiar bobbing head of one Rory Gilmore and lets go of her boyfriend's hand to go greet one of her favorite people.<p>

"Rory!"

"Blair!"

The boys simultaneously rub their messy bedhead as their girls greet each other with hugs and air kisses. It's light and funny and the girls are so beautiful that most of the males that pass them stare in awe.

Rory, always one for words, starts, "Tris didn't tell me you guys were going anywhere. And neither did you, missy."

She playfully points a finger at Blair.

Blair responds, "Well, I didn't get a memo from you either."

But neither of them are bitter as they talk about Asia (Blair) and South America (Rory). Asia hits a soft spot in Rory's heart as she remembers the failed trip that she and one Logan Huntzberger never took. _It's all for the better_, she thinks to herself, as she turns around and glances at the blond that she now loves so much more.

* * *

><p>They fly into Shanghai, a bustling city of over twenty million people. It is a city unlike any other that Blair has ever seen, and she opens her eyes in wonder at the sights before her. Carter wants to show her <em>his world<em> and not this world of tourists, so they only spend a day in the big city.

They eat dumplings from the side of the road (how plebian, Blair thinks) as they walk a short length of the Yangtze River. Carter knows her well, however, because he leads her to the pedestrian-only Nanjing Road, China's premier shopping street. There are over six hundred stores to keep her occupied for the rest of the day, but he stops her from buying too many things, saying they have many more destinations to come across.

Blair visibly sighs when Carter tells her their next stop is Phnom Penh.

She whines, "What can we possibly do in Cambodia? Adopt a child with a faux hawk?"

He gives her an impish grin (her favorite) when he replies pointedly, "I vaguely remember being _Brangelina_ for Halloween."

"So?" is the only reply she can come up with.

* * *

><p>The architecture in Phnom Penh is so remarkable that Blair can't help but break into smile as she is lead to view the stupas in front of Wat Phnom.<p>

"A stupa's this mound-like structure containing Buddhist stuff," Carter throws offhand.

Blair quips, "Well, aren't you little Mr. History Major?"

"Haha," is all he replies before he turns around, walking ahead of her.

She is sure he is blushing (as much as Carter blushes, anyway), but neither of them will say anything about it.

He points out Wat Phnom in front of them, gesturing, "Wat Phnom is one of the most important pagodas in the city. It was built in 1373 and it's still the tallest religious structure in the city."

* * *

><p>Blair's into big cities and places where villagers aren't present so she insists they visit Kuala Lumpur. If she's honest with herself, she's wanted to visit the Petronas Twin Towers ever since she saw them late one night on television.<p>

As they walk across a central market, Blair gazes at the many different people. There are more Muslims here than the other countries they previously visited and she notes the patterns in their head scarves. She thinks she might want one, but not to cover her hair.

There are a host of different people here, from Malays to Chinese to Indians to pretty mixes of Asians and Europeans that all resemble Kristin Kreuk and Daniel Henney. They're speaking a mix of different languages and the different sounds that surround her are wonderful.

It's easy enough to get by on English, but when your boyfriend knows his way around this city like you know your way around New York, you don't really need to rely on the tonal Asian dialects to move around.

* * *

><p>Carter surprises her by giving a tiny middle-aged lady perfect directions in Cantonese. She's staring at him like she doesn't even know him when he gives her a smug grin and a kiss on the lips. It's nice to taste him after a hot day in the Malaysian sun and Blair can't wait to get back to their hotel.<p>

* * *

><p>They're in their room at the Mandarin Oriental (because Blair can't stand non-five-star hotels) when she decides she wants to soak in the bath. She leaves the bathroom door wide open so Carter knows she wants him to come in without having to actually ask him to come in.<p>

It's weird because they've been dating for what seems like forever, but she still doesn't feel the need to beg for sex (not that he'd refuse her) because she feels like it's beneath her.

He takes the hint soon enough and she's already in the tub chest-deep in hot water. It's soothing against her newly tanned skin as she drops some soap into the bath to form bubbles.

"Hey, baby," Carter coos, "Mind if I come in?"

But he's already stripping out of his J. Crew cargo shorts and slipping his t-shirt over his head. She's smiling at him with a come hither look as she inwardly smirks. He's so easy to play and he doesn't even know it.

He's naked and inside the tub with her when he grabs her and flips her around so that he's the one leaning against the tub and she's on top of him. She's tracing kisses along his neckline before she starts sucking gently.

"Mm," he murmurs, "That feels good, baby. Keep doing that."

* * *

><p>It'll leave marks tomorrow, but she doesn't care as she's sucking harder. He's hard against her now and she lifts her mouth to taste his. His tongue is sweet after their snack of mangoes and he threads his fingers in her hair as she lets him inside of her.<p>

"I love you," Blair says breathily, when she feels his length sliding in and out of her.

There's nothing like it in the entire world and she doesn't know how she got so lucky.

He's groaning against her when he responds, "Love you too, baby."

They're like this for several more minutes until they're both spent and the water has run cold. They shower because the bath didn't serve its purpose for cleaning them off before they're tired and heading to their king size bed.

Blair falls asleep with Carter's arm around her, but not before he's kissing her like he never wants to let her go.

* * *

><p>They visit Singapore next because he loves this place like Blair loves France so she's excited to see something that he cares so much for.<p>

The Botanic Gardens are a sight to behold because they're a small piece of quiet in a land of noise. The water looks untouched by man and Blair has to appreciate the prettiness of the atmosphere they are in.

* * *

><p>When they turn a corner, Blair gasps, because there are more orchids than she has seen in her entire life. She thinks orchids might be her next favorite flower after hydrangeas.<p>

Carter mentions offhand, "We've just hit the National Orchid Garden. There are more than three thousand species here."

* * *

><p>He caves and lets her go to Japan.<p>

They omit Tokyo in favor of Kyoto when Blair proudly utters, "Did you know we're in the former imperial capital?"

She's all smiles so Carter can't even groan. There are throngs of temples on pristine bodies of water surrounded by picturesque leaves of green, yellow, and orange. It's a hot day, but the tall trees block out some of the heat.

There's a tiny tree on a rock in the middle of the lake where the Golden Pavilion stands that Carter points out to Blair. She gasps excitedly, pulling out her pink Sony to snap a quick photo.

She's skipping ahead eagerly when she spots an old Japanese couple standing in front of the Fushimi Inari-taisha torii. Unbeknownst to them, she takes another picture.

She looks pointedly at Carter when she tells him, "S is going to love this one."

It's an artistic and charming shot of the couple holding hands. Carter thinks it's nice to see a couple still so in love after all those years and wonders if that will be he and Blair someday.

* * *

><p>They make their way to Gion later that night because Blair's obsessed with <em>Memoirs of a Geisha <em>— the book, not the movie (even though Carter knows she harbors a secret crush on Ken Watanabe) — when they spot geisha dressed in typical maiko dress, hair ornaments, and nape makeup. They pause to take a picture with Blair and she thanks them with a small bow.

There's a passenger rail service to take them to Osaka, so they hop on as Carter makes a quick call to book them plane tickets back to New York. Blair's visibly tired from their summer excursion as she leans her head on his shoulder to take a quick nap.

* * *

><p>It's the weekend before they're leaving the city for what seems like forever when Nate comes to Blair for the first time in over a year. She's not sure whether to laugh, cry, or throw him out, but her heart doesn't hitch like it used to around him so she makes like Mother Teresa of Calcutta and speaks to him civilly.<p>

He's lost and sad and sorry about how they left things so she nods at him when appropriate and promises to keep in touch. She means her promises, unlike him. He got his wish to move west (she's glad) and he's driving his shiny new Audi out to sunny Los Angeles tomorrow. She thinks he'll fit in with the tan blondes that seem to be his type (though not as of late) and tells him so.

"I only ever loved one girl, Blair," he mentions, but it's too much right now and she can't take this so she hugs him tightly before he leaves and becomes genuinely sad as his retreating figure disappears behind the elevator door.

* * *

><p>The weekend before she leaves for New Jersey there's a note waiting at her door. It's signed by her father and tells her to come downstairs immediately. He's not there, but a bisque-colored BMW convertible definitely is.<p>

She becomes thankful for those summers in Connecticut where Tripp taught her and Nate how to drive with Grandfather's custom green Aston Martin.

She loves this gift like she loves her father and she phones him even though it's getting late in France. He won't care. She unlocks the driver's side and hops in without a thought. She drives to Serena's where her best friend is already downstairs trying to manually unlock a silver Volvo.

The hardtop of her convertible is down, but Blair's hair is still as stone.

"You _would_ get a car because you loved a book," Blair mentions offhand.

"Edward's great," Serena breathes, her hair tossed lightly behind her as she distinguishes the buttons on her key.

She figures out the right one (at last) and cries, "A ha! I got it."

Blair replies, "I always knew you would."

* * *

><p>Blair doesn't ask, but Carter clears his schedule (like usual) for her and drives her car to Princeton. She's in the passenger seat with her feet on the dashboard when "Just Dance" comes on her iPod.<p>

Carter groans, "Baby, do we have to listen to this?"

Blair merely turns it up and smiles, "You're cute when you whine. And yes."

She's bobbing her head to the infectious beat of Lady GaGa when Serena texts her from somewhere in between New York and Rhode Island. All the while, her boyfriend tries to ignore the bubblegum pop coming out of her top of the line stereo system.

* * *

><p>Blair's attempts to live off campus prove futile. To be honest, her dorm's not that bad and neither is her roommate.<p>

Her roommate Alex from Dallas is tall, tan, and brunette, with no hint of a southern accent. She's still unpacking her black X5 when she insists they go out together tonight.

"It'll be fun," Alex promises, her hopeful smile so evocative of Serena's.

* * *

><p>It's a floor party where the doors are left open and people flow freely. Blair wants to lock up their designer clothing and accessories but Alex just tosses her hand behind her and laughs. She's definitely the carefree one in the suite.<p>

They meet Madisyn, the vegan from Minnesota who rides horses in the summertime, Lindsay from Los Angeles who looks like a cross between Brittany Snow and Hayden Panettiere, Cara from Connecticut who's distantly related to Nate (Blair likes her instantly), and a slew of other girls.

* * *

><p>The boys stare at the beautifully clad girls as they walk door to door, smiles in place (mostly Alex). Nick from New Hampshire is in Blair's MondayWednesday history lecture, Parker from Portland plays lacrosse for the university, and Stephen from San Francisco unsuccessfully tries to get the girls' phone numbers. When Blair sees Alex eyeing David from Dalton Prep, she remembers his utter annoyingness with Serena and grabs her roommate's arm roughly to lead her away.

The two girls bond immediately with Madisyn, Cara, and Nick. Madisyn and Cara conveniently live across the hall so they all make dining hall dates each day.

* * *

><p>The first day of classes, Nick's even earlier than Blair. When she arrives, he's already saved her a seat. This cements a routine for a semester to come.<p>

It's her second Thursday at school when a text from Carter tells Blair to check her mail.

It's raining outside and her Burberry umbrella is drenched and she's just left class and returned to her dorm so she lazily replies, 'Do I have to?'

His 'Yes' is quick so she sighs and leaves the dorm once more. The second she steps out the door, she spots the familiar stance and sandy hair of her boyfriend. He's in khaki shorts and a black polo with a large orange P wearing the dimpled grin that she loves so much.

* * *

><p>It's nice to see him even though it hasn't even been two weeks and she hastily discards her umbrella at her feet to throw her arms around him and kiss him properly. It's still raining and he drops his umbrella, so now they're just standing in the rain kissing for all of the world to see.<p>

The rain's still pouring when Blair and Carter are bundled up under a blanket on her couch watching _Sabrina _when Alex returns, Madisyn and Cara in tow. Blair introduces the girls to Carter. When they're halfway out the door again, Blair insists that they don't have to leave.

Cara, who already knows Carter, winks at the two and says, "Oh, we'll just give you some private time. We know how it is," because the girls have heard all about her new boyfriend and nothing about the old ones.

Blair thinks it's nice of Cara not to mention anything about Nate until she's quite ready to so she likes her even more for this fact.

* * *

><p>Football is popular here the way lacrosse was popular at St. Jude's so Blair lets her roommates drag her to their first home game. They're playing Yale and Blair's wistful as she stares at the throngs of visitors clad in navy and white.<p>

She still owns more navy and white sweatshirts than black and orange, but she chalks it up to style, not school. There are no unshed tears in her eyes (or so she tells herself) as she lets Alex pull her toward a front bleacher.

* * *

><p>They're a month and a half into school when the football team's playing Columbia at an away game. The girls sans Cara have never been to New York City and they beg Blair to take them home and show them around.<p>

Cara has a term paper due the following week so she skips out on this weekend's festivities, so Blair invites only Alex and Madisyn to spend time with her in her hometown.

* * *

><p>They're walking on Park Avenue when Madisyn points and gushes at the lush townhouses and swanky residences that line the renowned street. Alex grew up in the beautiful neighborhood of Preston Hollow in a southern mansion surrounded by green hills, so the utter beauty of the brownstones don't captivate her nearly as much as they do Madisyn.<p>

* * *

><p>Carter treats the girls to a night out at Tao. Alex easily munches on salmon sashimi as Madisyn only stares at the raw fish with a nose wrinkle to rival Blair's.<p>

Carter tells her knowingly, "Try the California rolls. They're not too bad."

Blair cuddles up to his shoulder, always warm, always comforting, "She's vegan. And you're not going to say they're too American?"

"That's just you, baby," Carter laughs, kissing Blair lightly on the lips as her friends sigh a collective, "Ooh."

* * *

><p>After her fourth saketini, Alex starts stumbling in her YSL platforms. It's utterly reminiscent of Serena, so Blair quickly checks her friends into a deluxe suite at the Palace.<p>

Carter's in the bathroom when a man in navy pinstripes approaches the girls. It's Chuck Bass.

He only says, "What are you doing here?"

Alex is angry at this stranger and only replies, "Hello, it's a hotel. We're renting rooms. What, do you like own the place?"

To this Blair laughs, but does not reply.

However, Chuck does, "Actually, I do."

* * *

><p>The girls' eyes widen as they take this information in. Carter makes his return and loops an arm around Blair's waist protectively. He pulls it tighter the harder Chuck stares. Blair is his girl and he's determined to show Chuck this. He'll show the world this.<p>

Chuck tries not to wince as he looks Blair directly in the eyes and asks, "What are you doing with this insect? I thought you were _cured_ from this nonsense."

Blair looks from Chuck to Carter to her friends who are staring open mouthed back to Chuck when she responds, "I love him. He loves me. He doesn't publicly humiliate me or sabotage my relationship with everyone. What more do you want from me?"

She's practically screaming now and her Princeton friends have never seen this side of her so they're slightly frightened. Chuck takes this as his cue to leave and Blair grabs the room keys for the girls and sends them along their way. She doesn't want to talk about this right now so she leaves them in their room before grasping Carter's willing hand. They walk downstairs in silence and the first sound he makes is outside as he's hailing them a cab uptown.

* * *

><p>The girls make their way to Stogo at 159 2nd Avenue so Madisyn can indulge in some dairy-free ice cream which isn't as bad as it sounds, Blair thinks to herself, when they ask her about Chuck. They're gentle, but inquisitive nonetheless, and she sighs as she tries to explain what this <em>boy<em> meant to her so long ago.

Blair's digging into her cardamom pistachio with a plastic spoon when she starts, "He was the second boy I ever loved and the first one I slept with. He was best friends with my first boyfriend and we got together one night when I let go of all my inhibitions and just let my feelings take over. I thought it was a mistake and got back together with the other guy, but Chuck sent an alert to Gossip Girl that I slept with both of them in the same week."

Her head's lowered in shame as the girls have paused eating, but when she raises her head to look at them, they don't look at her like they are judging her. She appreciates this. It's nice to have friends who are outside of her tiny UES circle of bitchy, uncaring girls that only call her to be seen.

Alex looks confused and asks, "What's Gossip Girl?"

Blair's laughing now when she replies, "It's this juvenile website that alerts certain people—usually from New York—when certain people from society do something particularly scandalous."

Madisyn asks, "Like Perez Hilton?"

Blair nods, "The very one, except instead of celebrities, you have UES high schoolers. Like I said, juvenile."

"But you're over it?" Alex asks, and they all know she doesn't mean Gossip Girl.

Blair nods again, but this time without speaking.

Madisyn's looking rather insightful when she notes, "Carter doesn't seem to like him. And Carter seems nice, from what we've witnessed. He's really sweet with you."

Blair agrees, "I don't think I deserve him."

Alex playfully slaps her roommate when she mentions, "Don't ever say that. You deserve everything. And it looks like you two love each other, so I just say shove the other CB. You've got a good one already."

Blair smiles knowingly, "I do, don't I?"

* * *

><p>They go back to the hotel to change before the football game. When they're downstairs, there's a town car waiting for them.<p>

There's a note inside telling Blair that Carter's already at the game with a couple of his friends, so Blair smiles calculatingly at the girls when she says, "You girls will die. Carter's friends are delicious."

The game is crowded so the girls weave their way around drunk fraternity brothers and ridiculously blonde girls (seriously, was this California?) to make their way to the front of the crowd. There's a small spot saved for them, but they're all absurdly tiny anyway, so the space is large enough for them.

Carter's eyes are droopy as he takes his girlfriend in his arms and gives her a wet kiss on the lips.

"Ewww," Blair announces, "You taste like beer."

"You love it," Carter replies, kissing her again.

He turns to her friends and introduces them to his.

His friends look on appreciatively and Blair smirks at them, saying, "Now, now. Play nicely, boys. We wouldn't want to cause any trouble now, would we?"

Tristan DuGrey turns around (of course he's in the front row) and shakes his head, "Of course not, Blair."

"Where's Rory?" she asks, as she looks around for one of her favorite tall brunettes.

"At the _Daily News_," Tristan replies, running a hand through his blond hair, "She's editor now so she's doing some last minute editing, I guess."

"I'm not even going to ask how you got into Columbia, Tris," is all Blair replies.

* * *

><p>They think about changing for the Columbia after party, but Carter just frowns at them until they decide against it.<p>

"We're guys," he insists, "We don't notice the difference between orange and blue."

Tristan chimes in, "He's right. I mean, he's usually wrong because Blair's right," and this time he throws Blair a cheeky grin, "But this time he really does know what he's talking about."

The boys are grinning stupidly so Blair lightly slaps both of them and says with a smile on her face, "You're drunk."

"Nahhhhh," a random fraternity brother throws in, until Blair looks at him with a gaze that would've put Stalin to shame.

* * *

><p>Frat parties involve beer and Blair Waldorf does not drink beer so she stops at Carter's apartment and grabs a hefty bottle of Ketel One. Alex grabs a closed bottle of tonic water to take with them to the party and off the girls go.<p>

* * *

><p>There are dozens of people in a small Upper West Side apartment when the girls finally arrive and Blair doesn't even have to scope out the place to find her boyfriend. He's sitting innocently on the couch talking to his best friend and Blair smiles at the picture. Who would've thought that she would be the one to tame the rampant Carter Baizen? If you would've told her this two years ago, she would've laughed in your face.<p>

There are plenty of generic red plastic cups lying around so Alex gets to mixing their drinks. She finds straws with neat umbrellas in one of the kitchen drawers so she strategically places one in each drink, pink for her, green for economical Madisyn, and blue for Blair. Blair takes her cup graciously and thanks her beloved roommate.

Madisyn is swirling the umbrella around the cup as she talks to some Adrian Grenier look-a-like with too-curly dark hair and saggy cargo pants. Blair sends a look in her direction, but she laughs it off and shoos her attention away.

Alex has unsurprisingly captivated most of the room with her infectious laughter and beautiful smile. Tristan leads her over to his friend Julian Baker, a graduate student from Los Angeles who is into low-budget filmmaking. It's a little too Vanessa Abrams for Blair to handle, but she will definitely admit that this Julian looks way better than that Vanessa. She wrinkles her nose nevertheless.

* * *

><p>Blair's favorite holiday Thanksgiving rolls around before she knows it and she's just spent the last however many weeks studying for midterms so she's tired when she returns home but it's nice to be back. Serena's waiting in her room the Wednesday she returns and they catch up on school, boys (or just the one boy for Blair, actually), and the chaos that has taken over their lives for the better.<p>

It's too awkward to spend Thanksgiving together with Chuck at Serena's and Aaron at Blair's, so the girls make plans to meet up after their respective dinners.

* * *

><p>Lunch is spent at the Baizen townhouse at 1009 Fifth Avenue. It's a grandiose building of deep orange that even shames the Park Avenue townhouse that Nate calls home.<p>

Blair dutifully eats her traditional holiday meal as she smiles graciously at Christian and Victoria Baizen as they praise their son's girlfriend. She's always played the parent card well and reflectively wonders how Anne Archibald is doing. She makes a mental note to make a lunch date with the woman she used to think would be her future mother-in-law.

* * *

><p>It's a giant family affair at the Waldorf penthouse because Harold and Roman have flown in to see their favorite girl. They're not exactly the typical picture for functional family, but they seem a lot less dysfunctional than they did just a year before.<p>

* * *

><p>This is how Carter finds them when he arrives for dinner thirty minutes early. His girlfriend is walking around with her heels clacking against the marble floor as she carries her beloved pie to the dinner table.<p>

"Hey, beautiful," he mutters into her ear, pulling her in for a deep kiss.

Her tongue is soothing in his mouth and he closes his eyes to savor the moment. He's not sure when he became _that guy_, but he finds that he doesn't really mind and if anyone has anything to say about it, they can piss off. Blair looks up at him with her big brown eyes and giggles.

"What?" he asks.

"I'm going to drop the pie if you keep touching me like that," Blair replies, but his hands only tighten against her silk dress.

The silk's still in between his fingers when she hisses, "My entire family is in the next room, you know."

He's smirking into her mouth when he presses his length against the front of her dress, "Oh, I'm very much aware."

She escapes his grasp simply because he lets her and says, "You're so bad for me, Baizen."

And he knows she's just playing with him because when she calls him by his last name they're usually teasing each other. It's a pastime he enjoys greatly and he's looking forward to this Thanksgiving dinner with her family that he thinks he someday wants to call his.

* * *

><p>Blair and Nate are on better terms (they have been for a while) so when Carter is attending to his ill grandfather in London, Blair accepts Nate's invitation to be his date at Tripp and Maureen's wedding. She'd asked Carter if he wanted her with him in England, but his curt response was so unlike him that she clamped her mouth together and shut the door to his apartment softly.<p>

Nate's a groomsman so Blair waits in the large Connecticut church by herself as the bride and groom's families begin to arrive. It's a winter wonderland outside this old cathedral. Blair thinks it's slightly tacky to have a Christmas Eve wedding, but she's not Maureen so who is she to judge? She thinks she gave that up a while ago and she doesn't want to return to that old Blair.

The idea itself is cute and the congregation begins lining up. She's seated near the front, next to Cara and just a pew behind Grandfather, since she's practically royalty in this family anyway. Grandfather turns around with a grin on his face and compliments her dark amethyst floor-length Ralph Lauren. She thanks him accordingly and beams as Tripp and his groomsmen make their way to the altar.

The bridesmaids are next, in shimmering gowns of champagne satin. They look one-of-a-kind (they probably are) and happen to glow in the church lights. It's a beautiful wedding with a beautiful couple surrounded by beautiful people. It's exactly the kind of wedding Blair thought she would one day have to Nate. If she's honest, the scenery makes her quite nostalgic.

It's the dollar dance (or hundred dollar dance, in this wedding's case) so Blair reluctantly grabs hold of Nate as he drags her out on the dance floor. He pins a hundred dollar bill on Maureen's ivory Monique Lhuillier gown (Blair winces for the handcraftsmanship) and makes eyes at Blair to walk over to Tripp. He'd always been easy for her to read, except for when she lied to herself.

So Blair makes her way over to Nate's handsome older cousin and pulls out her own hundred dollar bill. She successfully fastens the bill onto his Giorgio Armani tuxedo. He takes her hands and leads her in a dance that leaves many awed. He'd always been a fantastic dancer, but all of the Vanderbilt boys were. There wasn't anything those boys couldn't do.

"So, I thought you were bringing your boyfriend to this one. He couldn't make it?" Tripp wonders.

Blair gives a small smile before replying, "Carter's in London visiting his grandfather. He's ill."

There isn't a moment's pause before Tripp says sincerely, "Give him my condolences."

"I will," Blair promises.

She's not comfortable enough with him to lean her head against his shoulder even though she's known him for over half her lifetime, so she settles for stepping a little closer to him as they dance to music played by the renowned string quartet.

"How did you two meet anyway?" Tripp asks, but when Blair looks at him oddly, he looks at her with that grin that looks so much like Nate's and continues, "You know I was always on board with the Blair-and-Nate fan club."

This time Blair laughs, "Wasn't everyone?"

_But that's not wholly true_, she tells herself, glancing at Nate from across the dance floor. He feels her stare so he looks up and flashes her his dimples.

She decides it's time to reply so she does, "Carter was a couple of years older than me at St. Jude's. We ran in the same circles, as I'm sure you know. He used to be a sort of mentor to Nate."

Tripp's frowning when he replies, "What about the poker setup? Surely you can't justify what he did."

"Poker?" Blair asks, genuinely confused.

Tripp's not frowning so hard (there's a camera snapping photos of the duo) when he responds, "He set Nate up during the Lost Weekend two years ago and stole Bass's Piaget to cover it. I thought you knew."

* * *

><p>It's too much for Blair right now because she knew Carter wasn't that great of a guy in the past, but setting up his former protégé? Sometimes she thinks Tripp talks too much for his own good, but sometimes he has his reasons.<p>

She can't wait for the wedding to be over so she can question her boyfriend about this appalling incident.

* * *

><p>It's two in the morning before Nate finds her sitting at a corner table quietly sipping scotch. It's not her usual gin, but she doesn't want the usual like she doesn't want the apparent truth.<p>

Nate's not smiling as he sits down beside her and says, "You smell like Chuck."

Blair looks up and disdainfully responds, "Thank you."

Nate frowns (and looks like Tripp while doing so) when he continues, "I'm serious, Blair. You reek."

"Oh," she says, "That. I might've borrowed a few of your aunt's Gitanes."

"I thought you quit that," Nate says, with a worried look on his face.

"Don't be a hypocrite," Blair insists, though she rolls her eyes, "It was only a few."

He's sidling up next to her when he wraps a strong arm around her. She shivers, but it's not cold and he takes this as a hint to drop his jacket over her shoulders. She used to love breathing in the scent of his cologne, tinged with just a bit of pot and Marlboro Reds, but the smell's not as soothing to her as it used to be. Still, she doesn't shrug off the jacket. She can appreciate a nice gesture.

He's inquisitive as he asks, "What's wrong?"

Without looking at him, she responds just as fast, "Tell me about the poker game two years ago."

Blair looks so far away and sad that Nate doesn't want to tell her for fear that he will break her soul, but he thinks he did that a long time ago anyway and regrets ever hurting this girl. How did he hurt this girl? But, he reminds himself that he still dislikes Carter and goes on to retell the story of the Lost Weekend two years before. He finds it doesn't bring him as much joy as he'd anticipated when he tells his ex-girlfriend what her current boyfriend put him through so many months ago.

* * *

><p>Carter's disheveled and unshaven when he returns. Blair quietly asks how his grandfather is doing.<p>

"It's not looking so good," he says just as softly, his voice oddly tranquil in light of the situation.

"I'm sorry," Blair mentions, adding, "Tripp sends his condolences."

Carter nods without looking at her when he runs his fingers through his hair. He sits down next to her and lays his head in her lap and without question, she takes over with her own fingers. Her fingers have always felt better against his head so he closes his eyes as she soothes his soul.

She thinks he's drifting off to sleep when he casually mentions, "I'm sorry for missing the wedding. I know it meant a lot to you to have me there."

Blair shrugs it off, though he can't see her, and whispers, "Are you kidding? Your grandfather needed you. I'm sorry you wouldn't let me come."

He knows her well enough to know there's a but. He mentions this.

"I don't want to get into it right now," Blair says, "It doesn't seem all that appropriate."

His eyes are open now when he responds, "Since when have we ever been appropriate?"

She sighs because she feels like she's losing and it's weird because usually she'd be the one hauling in all the reins to win. Her fingers are still threaded in his soft hair when she tries to nonchalantly mention the poker game, setting up Nate, and Chuck's ten grand watch.

"That?" Carter asks, finally sitting up.

She's surprised he's taking this so lightheartedly and responds, "Yes, that."

"It was a long time ago, Blair."

"So I've heard," she responds, before adding, "It's disheartening to hear you're dating an asshole from people that are practically family."

This time he laughs, but she knows he finds nothing funny, "You call those people practically family? Nate, who cheated on you with _your best friend_ and Tripp, who has a bigger mouth than Gossip Girl? _Grow up_, Blair."

It's the harshest he's ever been with her and she wants to blame the situation with his grandfather but she knows that has nothing to do with it so she clamps her mouth shut and pulls away from him.

"_Those people_," she hisses, "are genuine and decent and have never stolen anything from their _friends_."

He's yelling at her when he responds, "You're going to throw all this away over _that_? I thought we were more than that."

He's staring her directly in the eyes and she finds she can't breathe when he continues in a much softer voice, "I thought I knew you better than this. I guess not."

She takes this as her cue to leave because the tears have already started to fall. She never thought she would feel this hurt and abandoned again, but it's happened again. She supposes the third time is not the charm and curses whoever invented the stupid phrase.

* * *

><p>It's pouring rain when she gets outside, but she doesn't open her umbrella. She stands in front of his building sopping wet. When she becomes too cold to bear (and not from the weather), she hails a cab with a lost voice and makes her way back home. She over tips the driver because she's just turned his cab into a semblance of the Atlantic Ocean and makes her way upstairs.<p>

Dorota witnesses the empty look on her face and says, "Miss Blair," but Blair puts a hand up to interrupt her because she doesn't want to hear any condolences right now. It's too much to bear and she'd rather not deal with_life_ right now.

* * *

><p>Blair is miserable without Carter. She doesn't bother leaving her room except for class. Alex pops in exactly three times each day to make sure she eats (or hasn't died). On the bright side (she isn't quite sure there is one), she has all As thus far into the spring semester.<p>

Her phone is ignored most days, but she doesn't have the heart to turn it off. She's not strong enough to let it sit so long that the battery dies, either.

* * *

><p>He doesn't call.<p>

* * *

><p>She doesn't bother pretending she's okay with everything and Alex stops prodding two months in. Two months in makes it February and February makes it Valentine's Day. <em>They would have passed the year mark by now<em>, Blair thinks sardonically. How ironic her life has become once again.

It's with wide eyes and an empty heart that Blair answers a knock on the door revealing Serena. There are fourteen missed calls and twenty eight ignored text messages on her phone, but none of them are from Carter.

She's checked. She thinks the masochism has endured ever since her _thing_ with Chuck, once upon a time in the anti-fairytale that is her life.

Blair's been silent for exactly sixty seconds when Serena says in a quiet voice, "I got your room number from Cara," because Serena too has been to the Vanderbilt country estate.

Blair nods once in response and opens her door a little wider to let her best friend in.

* * *

><p>Blair and Serena spend the night in wearing old St. Jude's tees indulging in Rocky Road and an overabundance of Audrey films. They're on <em>Funny Face<em> when Alex's chiming laughter is heard in their shared living room.

"Shh," she says through the door, and Blair can tell she's been drinking.

Alex is still giggling like mad when she continues, "Don't bother Blair. She's _sad_."

* * *

><p>There's silence for a moment before the deep voice of Julian Baker sounds, "I can be quiet," but apparently he talks more than he let on at the football after party because he says, "What happened with her and Carter anyway? He's been a wreck. Tristan says he never goes to class and stays holed up in his apartment with bottles of scotch."<p>

Blair's tired of eavesdropping and grabs the remote roughly from Serena. As the volume increases, his voice (a reminder of Carter, but everything seemed to be as of late) decreases so she can't hear him anymore. She lets herself have an inward smirk when she can no longer hear him. Serena frowns in her direction, but Blair just pushes the ice cream her way. She thanks God Serena never could ignore double chocolate.

* * *

><p>After Serena's gone back to Brown, Blair makes her way to her first period Monday class. She's rushing in right on time (which is late for her) when Nick rushes out. She hasn't seen him in a while and she apologizes.<p>

"Don't worry about it," he assures her, all bright green eyes and no worries, "You've looked so sad lately that I didn't know how to approach you."

"Oh, you wouldn't have wanted to approach me," Blair insists, "I would have been a total bitch."

"Nah," he shrugs, "You couldn't be."

This time Blair lets out a ringing laugh, "You don't know me."

He cocks an eyebrow at her. It reminds her of Carter.

She closes her eyes when she responds, "I mean, you don't know who I _used to be_."

He shrugs again when he responds, "Well, I like this Blair, so you can tell that one to stay away, okay?"

She nods, smiling sincerely, "Okay."

He's glancing down at his generic watch when he realizes he'll be late to his next class. With an unassuming grin, he tells her (he doesn't ask) he's bringing a movie by later to watch. She's trying to argue when he plugs his ears and runs down the hall.

She sighs.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

><p><em>Now and then I think of when we were together<em>  
><em>Like when you said you felt so happy you could die<em>  
><em>Told myself that you were right for me<em>  
><em>But felt so lonely in your company<em>  
><em>But that was love and it's an ache I still remember<em>

_-Gotye "Somebody That I Used to Know"_

* * *

><p>Blair's thankful when she opens her door later that night to reveal a small group standing behind Nick. She's not ready for anything with a title quite yet so it's nice to see actual people for once.<p>

Lindsay from Los Angeles gives her a perky smile and slight hug when she walks in. She wonders if all people from the West Coast are this friendly, but she remembers watching Kristin Cavalleri on _Laguna Beach_. She shudders involuntarily. Lacrosse-playing Parker is at the door as well and she welcomes him in with a hug.

"Where's mine?" Nick playfully asks, before Blair pulls him in for one.

He introduces her to Tim, the boy who has sat in front of her in biology for nearly two months now. He smiles at her like it's okay that they've never officially met.

They're two movies and five bottles of wine in when Lindsay mentions that everyone should come home with her for spring break.

"I don't know," Blair says.

"_Please_," Lindsay insists, "My friends would love you."

She's very drunk at this point, but she looks like she weighs about as much as Nicole Richie.

Parker's in even though he's supposed to be practicing for pre-season, Tim wants to go home and visit his brothers, and Nick looks at Blair before nodding his answer.

"But I always go to Europe with Serena," Blair whines.

Lindsay rolls her eyes when she responds, "Sorry we're not as _refined_ as you, but take a normal spring break, okay? We'll go to Les Deux."

"Will we run into Brody Jenner?" Blair asks.

Lindsay replies, "Probably."

"Hm," Blair ponders, "Maybe."

"You guys could stay with me! It'll be so fun," Lindsay insists, with a toss of her ultra light blonde hair.

Blair shakes her hair around her head, "I could probably stay with Nate."

Nick looks disappointed.

"Who's Nate?" Parker asks.

Alex is walking through the door when she responds, "Her incredibly sexy ex. Go B!"

The girls — Alex, Cara, and Madisyn specifically — had taken to calling Blair B after hearing Serena do it all weekend. Blair finds she kind of likes it.

Blair is oblivious when Nick's face falls, but Alex notices and something in her heart goes out to him.

* * *

><p>Blair is drunk in Los Angeles perched atop Nate's lap at La Velvet Margarita Cantina when she gives in and texts Carter a quick 'I miss you.' She doesn't even spell check before she hits send and before she knows it, he's replied, 'I miss you, too.' She doesn't quite know what to do with this information so she orders another $30 Platinum Velvet margarita and sucks it down greedily.<p>

Lindsay's across the table downing shots with her friends from high school when she pushes one Blair's way.

"Nuh uh," Blair insists.

When Nate laughs at her, she wriggles around in his lap until he squirms. He's not laughing anymore when he pulls down the hem of her white eyelet dress. She'd always been a vision in white. He eyes Nick warily when he stares at Blair for a little too long and takes the shot intended for Blair.

"Hey," she shoves him, but her small hands have never hurt him, "That was mine!"

"I thought you didn't want it," Nate teases.

* * *

><p>The bartender seems to hear her dilemma and brings another round to their table. He winks at Blair when he hands her shot glass directly to her.<p>

"It's a double," he mentions offhand.

"Thank you, Mr. Bartender," she says quite sincerely, and neither Nate nor Nick are laughing now.

* * *

><p>It's three in the morning before they return to Nate's apartment for a post-party of sorts and everybody's wasted and loud and dancing crazily. Lindsay's spinning in the arms of one of her old schoolmate's, Nick's being rowdy, and Nate's having a deep conversation about the antics of lacrosse with Parker, all while clutching Blair to his side.<p>

* * *

><p>Her phone rings. It's Carter.<p>

"I have to take this," she says, kissing Nate lightly on the cheek.

He pulls her in to kiss the top of her forehead, but it's more comforting than anything else.

* * *

><p>She takes her phone to the balcony when she answers breathily, "Hi."<p>

He's chuckling, "We haven't spoken in two and a half months and all you say is hi?"

She's frowning when she responds, "It's six in New York. Are you in New York? Where are you?"

He's stopped chuckling, but he still seems to be inwardly laughing at her when he says, "Yes, I'm in New York. It may be spring break, but I'm a second semester senior, so no break for me."

"Oh," is all she manages, before she utters, "Okay then."

He laughs again, "Blair, are you drunk?" which hurts her a little — not because she's not drunk, because she _is _— but because she actually likes it when he used to call her baby.

So her response is curt, "Yes."

"You're quite the talkative one this morning," Carter mentions.

"Yes, well, I apparently had three too many really, really big margaritas."

Carter quips, "I wasn't aware you drank tequila."

Blair responds, "I thought I'd try something new."

"Where are you?" he wonders, repeating her question from before.

"L.A.," she responds, "My friend Lindsay's from Beverly Hills and she invited some of us to stay with her. Alex didn't go because she's with Julian who didn't want to go home and Cara's in Lisbon. I think Mad went with her."

"Nate lives in L.A. now," Carter comments, but he doesn't sound completely bitter about it.

"I'm with him now," Blair offers.

He raises his voice at this, "At three?"

"Everyone else is here, too," Blair retorts, "Not that I owe you any explanations."

There's a pause before he speaks, "No, I guess you don't."

When she yawns too noticeably to be graceful, he lets her go to sleep. There are no promises of future phone calls or anything of stature, so she blinks back tears when she walks back inside.

* * *

><p>"Blair," Nick asks, "What's wrong?"<p>

She's in his strong arms before she knows it and she has to wriggle her way out. She doesn't want to answer any of their impending questions and she does her best to avoid Nate's cerulean eyes when she makes her way to his bedroom.

She borrows an old t-shirt and climbs into her side — the left — of the bed she's never slept in and tries to fall asleep. The tears flow freely and she can do nothing to stop them. Perhaps this is her punishment, but she isn't even quite sure what she did wrong.

* * *

><p>Nate makes sure everyone is asleep before he quietly sneaks into his room. He wonders why he feels like he is fifteen, sneaking into Blair's room in the Waldorf penthouse, but this is what this feels like to him. It sends a strangely familiar quiver down his spine and he thinks it might be nice.<p>

It's nearly five in the morning, but Blair's still awake. He knows she's absolutely still as she sleeps, but she makes light movements to let him know she's awake. He walks toward her and puts a hand on her back to let her know he's there anyway. She doesn't bother to turn around when she asks if he'll lie with her. Like he'd ever refuse her. He learned his lesson the hard way.

He strips down to his boxers and climbs into the right side of the bed. He hasn't slept on this side in a long time and he'd be lying if he said it wasn't because of her. There's a space in his heart that feels empty since she hasn't been there and he wants to believe it can be whole again.

She settles into her favorite part of his shoulder and it's comforting to have her here again. When she looks up at him with shy eyes and long lashes, he completely loses it and kisses her. Their eyes are open and she's looking at him with pure shock, but then he sinks his tongue into her mouth—her sweet, sweet mouth—which he hasn't tasted in too many months. She'd always been the best kisser—never sloppy, always exquisitely perfect—and then he closes his eyes to remember their good times.

It can't go on forever because she unexpectedly halts his actions by removing her lips from his.

He thinks she just ripped another piece of his heart out when she whispers, "Nate, I can't. I'm sorry." She shakes her head, "I don't think I'm ready."

And it hurts him more than anyone but her can know — but he's stronger than this, he swears — so he lets her settle back into his shoulder until she cries herself to sleep.

* * *

><p>Blair leaves sunny Los Angeles the next day. Nate wakes up alone to find her gone. He notices his arm's not numb like it used to be like those nights she used to spend with him at his parents' townhouse on Park Avenue.<p>

There's a note on the pillow she slept on that reads, 'Sorry for just leaving, Natie. I'm still not feeling quite like myself. Hope you don't hate me for it tomorrow! I took a cab to the airport because I didn't want to bother you. Lindsay and her friends are still sleeping in the living room. You can kick them out if you want. I'll call you when I get back to NJ. B.'

He crumples the note in his hands and rolls over to toss it. There's a knock on his bedroom door and Nick looks in, asking where Blair is.

"She left," Nate mentions, throwing a hand over his eyes to shield the glare of the sun.

Nick asks, "What happened? What did you do?"

Nate laughs, "_I_ didn't do anything. She must miss Carter."

Neither of them are smiling when Nick closes the door behind him.

* * *

><p>She's still at LAX when Rory calls her.<p>

"You could have told me," is the only greeting Blair gets.

Blair replies, "It's kind of embarrassing."

"Carter's an idiot," Rory tells her honestly, and it's strange because this girl is never rude, "But I would know, because Tristan's exactly the same way."

"How do you put up with it?" Blair asks honestly. "I always seem to date the same type of guy."

Rory only says, "Come to New Haven. I'll tell you about it."

* * *

><p>Blair knows the Yale campus almost as well as she knows her mother's New York penthouse and she sighs as she walks through it. Rory's new apartment isn't far from the Sterling Memorial Library, which doesn't surprise Blair because of Rory's love for books. It's nice to have friends that are pretty <em>and<em> smart. She loves college much more than she somewhat liked high school.

The apartment is twenty times nicer than the one she shared with Paris (who failed to scare her) and Rory grins sheepishly as she answers the door, "Francine and Straub insisted on paying for this one."

Blair must look puzzled because Rory adds, "My other grandparents," with a roll of her eyes.

Blair still hasn't said anything so Rory just leads her in and picks up several movies so she can choose one.

"Can we watch them all?" Blair asks.

Rory smiles, "The Gilmore way. My mom would love you."

* * *

><p>They're on their third movie before Rory questions, "So, what happened? Not that I haven't had my fair share of breakups with Tristan, because I have, but I thought you and Carter were doing well."<p>

"We were," Blair insists, "Until everyone I know kept telling me horror stories from his past. I knew he was someone else before I dated him, but it's hard to keep everyone's opinions from affecting you."

Rory nods knowingly, "I'm not saying Tris is perfect. He's definitely not." She laughs, "Before him, I dated someone kind of similar. His name was Logan Huntzberger."

"The newspaper heir?" Blair asks.

Rory nods, "The very one. Anyway, everyone told me he was this womanizing guy with no morals and not my type, but I still went for him. You just have to see what he's like for yourself. Only you can make judgments."

Blair admits, "Yes, but Carter's exactly my type. He's the perfect blend of my two previous boyfriends. I don't know. I think I have bad taste. Don't tell anyone I said that."

"Never," Rory promises. "Do you think you can work it out?"

Blair only shrugs, digging into the pile of candy sitting on Rory's coffee table. She'd never seen anyone so skinny eat so much without an eating disorder. It was slightly unnerving.

* * *

><p>The trips prove to be enlightening. Blair still spends the vast majority of her time in her dorm room, but she comes out to get her own food instead of relying on Alex to bring it to her.<p>

She reads _The Notebook_ instead of watching it — she's always secretly enjoyed Nicholas Sparks's books — one day when her roommate comes in and asks how she is doing.

"A little better," Blair says honestly, even taking the time to crack a small smile.

Alex beams, "Good, then do you want to go home with me for Easter?"

"What?" Blair asks.

"I mean, unless you have to be at the Passover thing with Cyrus. You don't have to."

"No, it'd be nice. I've never been to Texas," Blair mentions, "I'm sure it'll be great."

"Okay good!" Alex seems excited when she mentions, "I know it's a couple of weeks away, but I thought you would like the heads up."

* * *

><p>It's been two weeks since the drunken conversation she had with Carter when she reluctantly pulls out her phone during microeconomics and stares at it. It vibrates once, signaling a text message.<p>

'Hey, beautiful. Just wanted to see what's up,' and it's just _so Carter_ that she blinks back unnecessary tears when her professor asks her about supply and demand.

She quickly explains something about a nonlinear curve before wiping her eyes carefully. She's thankful for Dior's superior waterproof mascara.

* * *

><p>She texts back, 'Nm, in micro right now. Sorry about the L.A. convo,' because it seems safe and safe seems like a good place to be.<p>

She fidgets in her seat when he doesn't reply for forty minutes. There's a buzz after her class that reads, 'Sorry. Prof told me to get off phone. Don't worry about convo. How's Nathaniel?'

Blair bites at her freshly manicured nails as she pauses to ponder this message. Does he really want to know? She asks.

She can't see his shrug, but his text reads all his nonchalance when it says, 'If he's friends with you, I can care a little, right?'

Friends. That's what they were. Blair nods to herself when she thinks about Nate and what he means to her now. It was nothing more. That she was sure of.

'Right,' she sends, 'Nate's good. L.A. really agrees with him. How are you? Graduating soon. Hope you're not too stressed.'

'I'll call you later and tell you about it,' is the reply she gets, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little giddy inside.

* * *

><p>They talk on the phone that night. It's not long — ten minutes at most — and they don't really talk about anything in particular, but Blair hangs up the phone with a warm, tingly sensation in her stomach that hasn't been there since before the wedding.<p>

He calls her again at the end of the week. They still discuss harmless topics — school, roommates, family — but the warm sensation only starts to build. She feels like she wants to burst.

* * *

><p>The next week, she takes the initiative and calls him. He sounds surprised when he picks up the phone, but quickly hides it. They converse about the usual safe topics before he asks what she is doing over the weekend. She tells him she's spending Easter with Alex's family and he says he'll miss her in New York. The tears return when she hangs up this time, but she's less sad than she was before.<p>

They talk every other day before the holiday and when she returns, they begin speaking every day.

Alex eyes Blair quizzically when she wonders aloud, "This can't be healthy."

Blair shrugs, "I don't care. I miss him."

Alex asks, "If you forgive him, why can't you be together?"

* * *

><p>Blair can't answer her roommate's question so she digs out another romance novel to spend her night with. She's barely one third of the way in before she calls Carter. He answers on the first ring.<p>

"Blair?" he asks sleepily.

"Sorry," she begins, "I didn't mean to wake you."

It's four in the morning and he has finals the next week along with graduation preparation, but he rubs his eyes and presses the phone tighter against his ear.

"No," he insists, "It's fine. What's up, baby?"

And it's the first time in months that he's called her _baby_ and she kind of wants to cry — but she's been doing lots of that lately — but she holds back and responds, "I forgive you."

He's not sure what the hell she's talking about because it's so goddamn early so he groans into the phone, "For what?"

He feels a little dense when she answers, "Nate. The poker game. I'm sorry I judged you."

He shrugs. He knows she can't see.

She continues, "Carter?"

He sighs, "I'm here," as he ruffles his fingers in his hair, wishing for hers instead, "You knew when we got together that I wasn't a saint. I'm not trying to excuse my actions, but you ought not to have been surprised."

"I know," she whispers, her voice barely audible, "I'm not a saint, either," she adds.

He chooses to ignore the latter part of her comment.

He's still playing with his hair when he wonders, "So where does this leave us?"

This time it's Blair that shrugs and the tears are definitely threatening to fall, "Where do you want to leave us?"

Carter laughs, fully awake now, "I never wanted to leave _us_ anywhere, Blair. Listen, my last final ends Wednesday. Come up if you can manage it. We should talk in person."

"I'll be there," she promises.

She falls asleep content the first time in a very long time and Alex wakes up to see her roommate curled into a ball with a smile on her face.

* * *

><p>Blair wears a newly bought David Meister dress when she visits Carter in New York. She's oddly nervous, but excited at the same time. It feels completely right this time and she doesn't want to ruin anything by being doubtful.<p>

* * *

><p>He's tired when she meets him at the Starbucks on W. 86th and Columbus. She's early, so he doesn't look up when she walks over to him. He's hunched over a business law book sipping what is most likely a quad venti hazelnut latte. When she's reached him, she gently touches his shoulder.<p>

He looks up and smiles at her before greeting her, "Blair, hi," which sends a tingle down her spine.

"Hi," she responds, before he asks if she'd like anything.

She shakes her head in response before settling down in the seat across from him.

* * *

><p>They talk for the next hour before trying to figure out everything with themselves, but it's loud during this time as college students gather to cram last minute for their finals. He asks if she wants to continue the discussion at his apartment, but there is no wiggling of his eyebrows. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't disappointed, but when he puts his hand on the small of her back on their walk to his place, she smiles despite herself.<p>

* * *

><p>It's not much of a talk when he throws her against the door of his living room in a hurry to get her clothes off. He undoes the zipper of her dress in no time at all and Blair pants as he tugs at her matching lingerie set. She's ferociously trying to pull his olive button down over his head and undo the clasp on his chinos when he gets impatient and throws them off himself.<p>

"We should talk," she mentions, in between pants.

He lets her lick his fingers before he puts them inside of her when he responds, "Yeah, I was getting to that."

He's as good at this as he is at sex and she moans against his living room wall. It's another minute until he puts himself inside her and bounces her up and down. Her arms are around his neck as she's crying out his name, but he's not done with her yet.

He carries her to his bedroom and they continue on his bed.

* * *

><p>It's four in the morning before they're done (finally) and she's lying on her side (the left) against his shoulder as he tangles his fingers in her hair. It's as soothing to her as it is to him and when she looks up at him she knows everything will be okay. But, she needs reassurance.<p>

"Are we okay?" she asks.

He nods, kissing her on top of her forehead. It's a simple gesture that's not lost on her. One hand is still playing with her long brown hair as the other is languidly rubbing circles into her forearm.

She's still looking at him expectantly so he responds, "We're okay if you say we're okay."

He pauses his meticulous kisses until she says, "I guess we're okay," with a giant smile that warms his heart.

* * *

><p>They wake with limbs entwined. It's almost noon and they both have many things to get through, but it's easier now because they can get through them together again.<p>

Blair doesn't want to be the bad one, but someone has to so she casually mentions, "We still haven't really talked."

Carter shrugs, "I used to be a different person and now you know," like it's nothing at all and she really shouldn't be worried.

She's baffled by how easily he can let this go and he's bemused to find her so put off about this.

He says, "Look, baby," all the while grasping a chunk of her hair and delightedly sliding it through his fingers, "I never wanted to be a better person until I met you. Now can you let this go before I turn into the freaking _Notebook_ dude?"

Blair smiles because this information pleases her and breathes, "Fine," and then she kisses the top of his forehead even though she has to stretch to reach.

* * *

><p>Carter is graduating in three days and Blair has finals to return to, but they spend their last afternoon together doing couple-y things like eating frozen yogurt in Central Park. It's something simple, but she knows what she likes (finally) and she really hopes it works out this time.<p>

Before it truly can, she gets something off her chest, "Nate kissed me."

Carter looks quizzical, so she adds, "In L.A."

He still hasn't said anything so she continues, "With tongue," before he stops her right there and slides his into her mouth.

They hear whistles around them from unbridled high school and middle school students let out early from school (or maybe they left of their own accord), but it does nothing to deter Carter's fierceness. He's making her his again and she smiles against him, despite herself.

* * *

><p>When they're done (for now), she looks up at him because it's honestly unsettling that he hasn't said anything yet, so he finally lets out a sheepish grin and says, "I'm not happy about this, but we weren't together."<p>

He looks directly at her when he adds, "Baby, look at you. Who wouldn't kiss you?"

* * *

><p>Blair is back at Princeton and trying her best to study for her multiple finals when the Holder Howl goes off and interrupts her studies. It's midnight and the Vivans she bought from a classmate are starting to make her crazy, so she shuts her art history book in the midst of rereading it and glares through her window at her ridiculous peers.<p>

Alex returns five minutes later laughing, long hair tangled around her shoulders, "Blair, you should've been there. It was great!"

"What's so great about screaming nonsense?" Blair wonders, "You made me do it last semester and I didn't really enjoy it then."

Alex sighs, "You know, if I didn't already love you, I would probably hate you."

Blair smiles brightly, "I know."

* * *

><p>Blair goes to New York a few hours early to buy a graduation present for her boyfriend when she suddenly finds herself in front of Bass Industries. It's a towering skyscraper that falls high above her head and she's not sure what she's doing when she walks inside, but she makes her way to the top floor.<p>

Chuck's corner office comprises much of the top floor. The secretary eyes Blair warily as she walks up to the desk.

"May I help you?" the secretary asks, quite indifferent to the matter.

"Yes," Blair answers, "I'm here to see Chuck Bass."

The secretary all but rolls her eyes when she replies, "Do you have an appointment?"

"No," Blair responds, "But if you tell Chuck that Blair Waldorf is here, he'll see me."

The secretary dumbly tells her, "You have to have an appointment."

"I'm Blair Waldorf," Blair insists, pulling a slight 'I'm Chuck Bass' on the girl, before sighing, "Never mind, I'll just text him."

* * *

><p>Chuck comes out thirty seconds later and reprimands the secretary for not letting Blair in before welcoming her into his office.<p>

"Waldorf," he greets her, "Long time no talk."

"Yes, well, I decided it's time we made amends," Blair replies, "Since I'm friends with Nate now and all, I decided we could be too."

"Thoughtful," Chuck replies sarcastically, "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"My kindhearted soul," Blair tells him, with a tone rivaling his.

* * *

><p>They spend the next two hours just talking and catching up, which leaves Blair missing the fun times they used to have scheming and plotting. Chuck was a good friend to her once upon a time and it would be nice to have him back in her life.<p>

* * *

><p>Carter's graduation day is hectic with the ceremony and several parties, so Blair starts her day off getting ready at his apartment. She dons a new Alice + Olivia dress for the occasion, paired with her favorite tan Christian Louboutin patent pumps.<p>

"You're beautiful," Carter mentions, before tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.

"Thank you," she smiles at him, "You don't look so bad yourself."

He's wearing a new Prada suit (that will soon be hidden underneath his baby blue graduation gown) that's a replica of the one Hugh Dancy wears in _Confessions of a Shopaholic_. Blair picked it out like she picks everything out and she's rather pleased with the results.

* * *

><p>It's been three months since Carter's Columbia graduation and things have slowly started settling in again. It's different than before – she's less reserved, he's more open to change – but they're finding themselves together rather than finding themselves apart.<p>

Blair's pretty sure that's the important part, anyway.

* * *

><p>She sighs against his chest one Monday morning in August. They have one more week playing the happy couple before she has to return to New Jersey.<p>

She's sad, but happy. She's sad to leave Carter, but excited to see her friends.

* * *

><p>Her BMW is neatly parked next to Alex's at the townhouse they now share with Madisyn and Cara. Nick and Parker conveniently live down the street in the new high rise and Blair thinks it will be nice to be back with her second family.<p>

Alex makes Blair spend the first weekend with her, assuring her they can visit their boys the next.

"It'll be fun," she promises, her excitement infectious.

Blair reluctantly agrees, "Sure, sure."

Alex giggles, "You sound like Jacob Black."

Blair asks, "Do I know him?"

Alex raises an eyebrow, "From _Twilight_."

"Not Edward," Blair offers.

Alex nods, "Not Edward."

Blair laughs, "Then I don't remember."

* * *

><p>Blair makes sure her course load is heavier for the semester because she knows Carter will have less time to spend with her while he's working forty hour weeks. It makes her giggle slightly that he's in a menial desk job working under his father as he waits to work his way up the corporate chain.<p>

He doesn't giggle as she tells him this over the phone, not that she expected him to.

He changes the subject swiftly, "So when are you coming up anyway?"

"Why?" she asks, "Hiding your second girlfriend from me?"

He snorts, "As if I could handle another girlfriend after you. I need sleep too, baby."

"Oh, right," she mentions, "In that case, I'll leave Thursday after class. I should be there by two."

"Come up to the office," he casually answers, "I'll have a key ready for you."

* * *

><p>This is a big deal, she realizes, but she doesn't know what to say, so she doesn't say anything at all.<p>

Carter makes it less awkward for her by continuing, "I have to get back to work. Love you, baby."

"Love you, too," she responds, after she finds the will to speak.

* * *

><p>There are three floors to the girls' townhouse. Blair and Alex have rooms on the second floor which also houses the kitchen and living area, Cara lives in the room on the third floor, and Madisyn has converted the guest room downstairs into her living space.<p>

Madisyn's the only roommate home at the moment, so Blair goes to visit with her.

* * *

><p>She knocks.<p>

"Come in," Madisyn's sweet voice answers.

Once Blair walks in, Madisyn chastises her, "You don't have to knock, you know."

"It's rude," Blair protests.

Madisyn rolls her eyes, asking, "What's wrong?"

Blair shrugs, "I was just on the phone with Carter."

"And?"

Blair sighs, "I told him I was coming up Thursday after class. He said he'd have a key ready."

"Oh, Blair!" Madisyn throws her arms around her roommate, "That's great! Isn't it?"

Blair sighs again, "It is, I know it is, I just, ugh I can't even formulate a sentence."

"Too much too soon? It's not, you know."

"I know," Blair breathes, "Do you suppose I have commitment issues?"

This time Madisyn scoffs, "Didn't you date Nate for a century?"

"Yes," Blair responds, "But I had no one else to compare to him."

"Carter's not the best?" Madisyn looks wary.

"No, no, that came out wrong," Blair replies, "I love him. He's definitely the best boyfriend I've ever had. And yes, that's the best as well."

She takes in Madisyn's smirk.

"Stop that, you look like Chuck. Ugh, I don't know. I've never been offered a key before. I guess it's not that big of a deal, right?"

Cara's head pops through the door, "What's not that big of a deal?"

Madisyn answers in a sing song voice, "Carter's giving Blair a key to his apartment."

Cara beams, "That's a huge deal, Blair," throwing her arms around Blair's neck.

"So I hear," Blair responds, "I'll call him back. I don't think I responded appropriately before."

* * *

><p>Blair never ends up calling due to her own nervousness. As she stands on the busy sidewalk in front of Carter's office building, she fidgets with her Dior satchel to relieve some of her stress.<p>

"Stop it," she tells herself, but some tourists overhear her and surely think she's crazy.

It wouldn't be the first time.

Blair is about to bolt – she honestly doesn't know why she's being so damn flaky and _so Serena_ of all people – when she hears the hearty chuckle of one Tristan DuGrey.

"You look awful, Blair."

"Thanks," Blair manages.

"No eye roll?"

Blair insists, "I'll manage without the childishness."

Tristan pouts, "You're no fun."

Blair sighs, her hands on her hips, "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question, sweetheart. I'm here to see my best friend."

"I'm here to see my boyfriend."

"So go see him."

"You first," Blair mentions, her hands pointing to the door.

"Oh no," Tristan argues, "I know why you're hesitating. You go right on in."

Blair sighs again, "I hate when Rory tells you things."

"She can't help herself. I seduce them out of her."

* * *

><p>"Carter?" Blair pokes her head through his office after the secretary buzzed her in.<p>

There is no sound until his office chair flips around and she's graced with a jovial smile that she's pretty sure she doesn't deserve.

"Hey, baby."

"Hi," she replies back shyly, "Listen, I wanted to apologize."

"What for?"

She frowns, "You were trying to take our relationship to the next level. Clearly, I failed that test."

Carter laughs gaily, "It wasn't a test."

"I still failed," Blair insists, "And I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Carter exclaims, standing up and walking over to her, "Here's your key. Don't freak out, okay?"

She nods once in response.

He leaves a kiss on her forehead to tie her over until dinner.

To break her awkward silence, Blair wonders, "What are we doing tonight?"

Carter shrugs. She hates when he's so nonchalant.

"Well?"

"Whatever you want to, it honestly doesn't matter to me."

Blair is about to complain to get her way like how she used to with Nate, but she stops herself, reminding herself that this isn't Nate. He's better.

She nods again, smiling, "I'll think of something back at the apartment and I'll text you once I know. How does that sound?"

"That sounds perfect," Carter smiles back, lightly capturing her lips with his own, "You're going to have to leave or I won't get any work done, baby."

It's been two hours and Blair can't decide what the hell she wants to do and Carter gets off in an hour so she's at a loss for plans.

* * *

><p>Clearly, God has heard her when Tristan calls her.<p>

"How'd everything go?"

Blair answers, "Better than I thought it would, to be honest. He's so laidback it's almost unnerving."

Tristan laughs, "Would you want him to be high maintenance and on your ass about everything?"

Blair laughs in return, "I have you for that. Anyway, I have no idea what to do tonight."

He sarcastically replies, "You're in New York. I'm sure you'll find something."

"I know that, genius. I just want to try something new."

"Sex wise? I suggest—"

"There is no way I am letting you finish that sentence, you dog."

Silence.

Blair groans, "I can hear you pouting, Tristan."

He pipes up, "I'm not pouting."

"You're such a liar. Could you be a helpful liar?"

Tristan suggests, "You could always go downtown."

Blair wrinkles her nose at the thought.

"Look, I know you're probably doing that nose wrinkly thing you do, but downtown's cool as shit. Carter and I go all the time."

"So how is that new to him?"

"It's not. It's new to you."

Blair sighs rather loudly, "I suppose I could give it a try."

"It's really not that bad. You might even like it."

"I doubt it."

"You'll like West Village. Save the Meatpacking District for another night."

This time the silence is coming from her.

Tristan ignores it and suggests, "Try Casa La Femme. The interior's trendy. Even you will appreciate that."

"I'll call them now. Thank you."

"Anytime, sweetheart."

* * *

><p>Alex and Julian meet them at Casa La Femme, which is actually pretty decent, if Blair is honest with herself. She'll thank Tristan tomorrow.<p>

The architecture is amazing, with arches in the white walls and Egyptian ornamentation everywhere. The crystal chandeliers hang high overhead and the floor to ceiling windows are open to the night air.

The girls grab two very full glasses of merlot as the guys chat about the terrors of work.

When the hummus arrives, Julian turns his attention to Blair, "So, I hear this is your first time out in West Village. How do you like it?"

Blair hates being scrutinized, but she answers all the same, "It's adequately better than Brooklyn."

Alex sticks up for her friend, "Blair's an uptown girl. You're downtown. Don't make her feel like shit."

"I wasn't—" Julian begins, but Alex hushes him with her lips.

Carter laughs, "You two are too much."

Alex turns to look at him incredulously, "Us two? Watching you two is like watching expensive porn."

Blair wonders, "What's the difference between cheap and expensive porn?"

Alex shrugs, "I have brothers. I've seen both."

This time it's Julian that's laughing, "I don't even know what to say, babe."

Alex isn't even embarrassed when she answers, "I'm one of a kind."

* * *

><p>Blair makes it through Princeton relatively unscathed.<p>

* * *

><p>She is done a year before her roommates because all those AP courses at Constance apparently count for something. She supposes those summers taking twelve hours counted for something as well. Either way, her roommates are jealous and it takes all the Waldorf blood in her to not smirk out of smugness.<p>

Her graduation party is a thrilling affair, a lavish ball-type party thrown in the nicest ballroom at the Palace Hotel. It is Chuck's gift to her. She thanks him with a peck on the cheek as she waltzes around the room to greet people.

She rolls her eyes when she hears her father brag to his ex-associates about her summa cum laude status.

"Daddy," she cries, "You're embarrassing me."

He's insistent when he responds, "I just want these fine young men to know where you got your brain."

"As if they didn't already know," Blair points out, before she heads out, noticing more guests have arrived.

* * *

><p>It's a breath of fresh air when she witnesses the arrival of Nate. There's a tight hug and a warm kiss against his cheek that makes him grab hold of her waist, but this is all they have to share with each other, and she stops him before he continues.<p>

He hides his wince, but not before she notices. She chooses to ignore it, because she's hurt this boy enough.

There is a crowd of people surrounding her, but Blair still feels as if some people are missing. As usual, she is correct.

"Rory," she calls out, "I'm so glad you could make it. You look wonderful."

She gestures at Rory's stomach. She's nearing her third trimester.

Tristan looks slightly put off, so Blair throws in, "You, too," as an afterthought.

"I'm glad to see I'm so loved around here," Tristan comments, before Blair throws her arms around both of them.

Rory hands Blair a box, but all Blair can notice is the rather recognizable DuGrey family diamond on her left hand. She's used to it, of course. Rory and Tristan were married over a year ago, but she enjoys looking at it all the same.

* * *

><p>There is just something about a family diamond that makes her feel wistful and this thought immediately makes her turn to look at Nate.<p>

Big mistake.

His eyes are on hers well before she notices him and there's a hunger in his eyes that she is sure was never there when they dated. She sighs, wondering about the what could've beens.

She doesn't get to dwell on it for too long when her mother ushers her over to greet some more guests. She can honestly say she's never seen them before, but she puts on a polite smile and goes to greet them anyway.

They have family names like Bassett, Kennedy, and Wayne, and she knows it should probably be an honor to meet them, but she can't bring herself to care. It seems life has already taken a toll on her and she's not even twenty two.

* * *

><p>When Blair does turn twenty two, Carter throws her a lavish party on his parents' yacht as they coast along the Côte d'Azur. Her closest friends are aboard, along with her father, Roman, and their two new Vietnamese babies.<p>

She's not sure sailing the high seas is the best for newborn twins, but she's pretty sure this was more Roman's idea than her father's anyway. She rolls her eyes nevertheless.

* * *

><p>Blair wears a satin dress – somewhere between coral and salmon – against her newly sun kissed skin and throws her head back in laughter when Serena's hair gets stuck in the lapel of some guy's jacket. It takes another moment for her beautiful best friend to untangle herself from this random European's hold, but she manages it magnificently as only van der Woodsen women do.<p>

She's glad Serena could make it to her birthday, one of the reasons she chose to celebrate it in Europe. The polar opposite of Blair, Serena seems to enjoy lengthening her time in school in favor of getting out early. She is already lagging a semester behind schedule, but this doesn't seem to deter her.

At the moment, she is taking six hours studying art history in the artistic city of Florence. Blair shakes her head, because Serena will never learn. She would never wish to.

* * *

><p>It is spring again when Carter's parents invite them to Nantucket to celebrate their twenty fifth wedding anniversary. They live in a quaint, but large summer home on the island of Tuckernuck. Their house is one of about thirty five and everybody knows everybody.<p>

It's a different atmosphere than the Hamptons. For this, Blair appreciates the Baizens.

They're settling in for a crab dinner one night when Christian brazenly asks, "So, son, when are you going to make this official?"

Blair looks at Carter as he chokes on a leg. Victoria calmly hands him a glass of water, but instead he reaches for his beer. He looks at it steadily until Blair sighs against the cool air. She excuses herself from the table to pour him a glass of scotch.

She's never been much for scotch, but she pours herself a tiny glass as well. This one she finishes before she returns to the table. No one's the wiser.

* * *

><p>Carter doesn't appear as purple as he did a minute ago, so Blair settles his glass down in front of him. He merely nods at her in appreciation, but doesn't say anything.<p>

Christian is chuckling. Victoria scolds him, reminding him they have guests.

This time it is Blair that laughs before she replies, "It's only me. Please, don't worry."

"Oh, now look," Victoria sighs, staring at her son, "Now you've upset Blair."

Blair swallows thickly before responding, "I'm not upset," in the flattest voice imaginable.

* * *

><p>Dinner was left sufficiently awkward and Blair washes up before she tries to find Carter. She knows he needs time to think, because she knows him better than she knows herself at this point, but enough is enough and she needs to know now, too.<p>

They've been together for nearly three years this time and that's about time for some form of commitment, right? But maybe she thinks too much on the traditional and she should focus on the nontraditional, because this is Carter Baizen she is talking about.

No, the other side of her argues. _She_ was the one that got Carter to settle down. _She_ kept him committed. He comes to _her_ for love and affection.

Her thoughts are thrown to Chuck and she quickly dismisses this train of thought before it goes further.

She's ready for _this_, whatever _this_ is, and damn it, he better be too.

She leaves to find him.

* * *

><p>Blair finds Carter deep in thought as he walks around Whale Shoal. He's barefoot and ruggedly handsome as she walks up behind him to kiss the back of his shoulder.<p>

He turns around with a smile and apologizes for his behavior at dinner. It's like Jekyll and Hyde and she doesn't know who she gets to deal with ever.

"I wasn't expecting an ambush," he admits, "I truly am sorry for that."

"Don't be sorry," Blair quips, "It was going to come eventually."

"I wanted to talk to you about that," he replies honestly.

Blair gives him her famous look before responding, "Did you?"

"On our own terms," he says, as he looks into the distant sunset, "But yes, I did."

* * *

><p>She raises a hand gently to his cheek and brings it closer to her. His eyes are greener against the coastal heathland and it takes all of her to not jump him right here. He apparently has different ideas as he wraps an arm around the small of her back and presses his lips against hers.<p>

They kiss for several moments, wrestling for power, before Blair realizes she must come up for air because air is a necessity to breathe. Funny, she hadn't cared a minute ago.

Carter takes both her hands in his and holds them up to his face, kissing them reverently. There's a fluttering in her heart that Blair hasn't felt since the very first time she watched _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ and fell in love with old black and white love stories.

The feeling has not left her. It has just grown dormant with time. With Nate, she dreamed of a Prince Charming. With Chuck, she knew better. Here, she has Carter, and Carter is all this and more.

* * *

><p>This is the moment that will change everything.<p>

* * *

><p>He repeats, "On our own terms, I wanted to do this for you, but now seems as good a time as any."<p>

The fluttering hasn't ceased. In fact, Blair thinks it only grows more rapidly in pace. If it's possible to die from a heart attack when your boyfriend is discussing eternal love, she thinks she might have to preorder a gravestone.

* * *

><p>Apparently he's saying something that she's missing, because Carter asks, "Blair? Are you listening, baby?"<p>

"Yes," she breathes, "Continue."

He nods, rushed. He runs a hand through his messy locks before digging in his pocket for that telltale blue box.

Blair is pretty sure her heart is about to spontaneously combust.

"Blair?" Carter asks, just to be sure.

"Yes," she cries, perhaps a little too fast.

He chuckles, this revelation making it slightly easier on him.

"Let me finish," he fake frowns at her.

She can't stop saying it, "Yes, yes, yes."

"Blair," he ignores her, getting down on one knee – and it's more romantic than anything she's ever watched in a movie or dreamt about with any guy, ever – and saying, "You're the first girl I ever loved and the only one I want to be with. Will you marry me?"

Her heart finally seems to stop moving and for once, her mouth catches up with it.

"Blair?" he wonders, "Now you choose to be silent?"

"Oh," she muses, finally finding her voice, "Yes. Yes, I would love to marry you. Yes, I want to be Mrs. Carter Baizen."

He grins, muttering, "I love you, I love you, I love you," into her hair seemingly a million times.


End file.
